No Business Like Show Business
by lalalyds2
Summary: Even as the curtain falls, things are still happening onstage. And even when the show seems over, it never truly is. Smash is supposedly done, but if I have my way, it most assuredly is not!
1. Ever After

_Hi everybody! Just a disclaimer, I do not own any of the characters from Smash. If I did, Ivy would be the main focus, because that's how it should be! _

_I wrote this for my darling friend's birthday. Happy birthday dearheart! 3 _

* * *

It's two weeks after the Tony's. New York City, in its own way, is relatively calm. No angry diva storms her way down Broadway, there's just the regular roar in the city that never sleeps.

Bombshell's Marilyn strolls through the streets on the arm of Hit List's director, she kisses him on the cheek as they stop in front of Bombshell's door.

"See you later tonight after the show." Ivy says.

"I'll see you at home." Derek says. She smiles at that. He kisses her pink lips once, twice. She lightly pushes him away with a laugh.

"Let me go to work."

"You're the boss."

"And don't you forget it." He steals one more kiss from her before she walks into her theater. He stops for coffee before going into Hit List, Karen's waiting for him in the auditorium.

"Your coffee." He says, handing her one of his Starbucks paper cups, she takes it, obvious confusion playing over her face.

"Um, thanks?" He sees her look.

"What?"

"That was very considerate of you." She says simply, taking a sip of her coffee. It's not at all how she takes it, it hasn't any creamer or sugar, but she suppresses her initial gag reflex. She manages another sip, Derek smiles ruefully.

"It's not right, is it?" He asks.

"No." She answers truthfully.

"I didn't remember how you liked coffee." She nods, and absentmindedly takes another sip, making a face this time. He chuckles and starts to walk toward the stage.

"Hey, where're you going?" She calls after him.

"Ana said one of her scenes wasn't quite working." He says as explanation. Karen sits back as Ana and Derek work onstage, occasionally sipping her coffee until she's called onstage.

* * *

"You're really calm, what's wrong?" Karen asks Derek. It's a few minutes till curtain, and Derek hasn't shouted or gotten frustrated even once. It's a miracle.

"Everything's right, that's all." Derek says, she gives him her 'spill it' look.

"Things with Ivy are going really well." He confesses, trying and failing to suppress the little smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"Someone's in _looovvveee_." She singsongs.

"You're being childish." He says, though not denying anything. Karen just smiles. She's called to the stage.

"Break a leg." Derek says.

"Thanks."

She walks to her place on stage, takes a deep breath, as she does every time. The curtain rises.

* * *

It's late by the time Derek comes home to his apartment, Ivy is already sitting there in bed and on the phone.

"Yeah, ok Mom. Yeah, I will. See you tomorrow." She's saying as he walks in. He smiles as he sees her.

"Hi." He says, leaning halfway over the bed to give her a kiss.

"Hi. You're home." She says as he pulls back.

"Yeah, sorry I'm late. I brought you this." He says, handing her soup from her favorite restaurant.

"Thanks Derek. But you know, I'm pregnant, not sick."

"I _know_ that." He says, sitting on the bed and taking off his shoes.

"I just thought you might be craving food, and that soup is healthy."

"It's not ice cream, but I suppose it'll do."

"Picky tonight, are we?" He asks, quirking an eyebrow at her. She just takes a spoonful of soup. When he's finished getting ready for bed, she's already finished.

"I was hungrier than I thought." He chuckles as he slips under the covers next to her.

"How are you?" He asks, his arm wrapping around her waist.

"A little frazzled, my mom keeps noticing I'm getting bigger. She just called me to give me a workout she thought would help." She says with a groan.

"Are you going to tell her?" He asks.

"I don't know. This is still a lot to take in, even now. What we have right now is working, and I don't want to do anything that would rock the boat." She says, her hand playing with Derek's hair.

"Through all we've been through Ivy, we always come back to each other. I'm not saying we're fated or anything, but I am saying that I'm going to work for this. I'm going to work for us." Ivy sinks down, so she's facing him.

"Ok. Me too." He kisses her.

"We're going to be fine." Then he scoots down to kiss her stomach, making her laugh at the tickling sensation.

"And you are going to be amazing, little one." He says sincerely, kissing her stomach once more before wrapping his arms around Ivy. It's quiet and dark in the room, Derek feels comfortably drowsy, till-

"Are we going to sleep?" Ivy asks, a hint of a pout in her tone.

"Do you have something else in mind?" Derek asks, she grins sensually.

"Well..." She stretches, her body arching into his. It's skillfully done, and he catches her intentions immediately. He kisses her enthusiastically. And kisses her. And kisses her. She kisses him back. Much, much later, they sleep.

* * *

The morning sun shines its rays through the windows of Eileen Rand's office. She's already in her chair and staring out at the city, bored. Bombshell is still incredibly successful, and her Tony is twinkling in the sunlight, but she misses some of the challenges Bombshell gave her. They kept her on her toes, and she enjoyed being busy. She picks up her phone and calls a very familiar number.

"Hello Julia. How would you like to make a new musical?"

* * *

Julia Houston bursts through Tom's door, letting herself in with the key he half regrets giving her. It's been a while since they lived together, but she still kept the key, and she uses it often when inspired to brainstorm. Which happens at the most inconvenient times. Like when Tom's sleeping, or showering, or in the middle of a date. Most inconvenient.

"Tom," Julia whispers, poking him in the shoulder. He doesn't respond.

"Tom, get up." She says, louder this time. He still doesn't budge.

"Tom!" She says, picking up the pillow next to him and whacking him with it.

"What Julia?! What could possibly be so important that it would force you to wake me up at this ungodly hour!?"

"It's ten."

"And it's still ungodly." He says grumpily, she gives him a look.

"Eileen called me today. She wants to make another musical. With us!" Julia squeals excitedly, a smile practically splitting her face. Tom wakes up immediately.

"Really? That's fantastic!" He says, then he sobers. "What about Patrick?"

"We could do both?" Julia asks, biting her bottom lip in excitement.

"Yeah right." He says skeptically. "You could barely handle Bombshell and Hit List at once, and Bombshell was basically done."

"But Patrick said _movies_, not musical movies. We wouldn't have to write as much."

"You're reaching for the stars." Tom says.

"But where better to reach?" She asks, her expression is all hope mixed with begging.

"He hasn't even called us yet. Oh, please Tom? Please, please, please?" She asks, her hands clasped together as she pleads with him.

"Ugh, I'll think about it. When I've woken up properly. What kind of musical do you have in mind?"

"Remember that original story I wrote a couple years back?"

"The two heroines who arrive in New York, and one makes her dreams while the other doesn't and the struggles with both those lives?"

"Yes, that's the one."

"I always loved that story." He snaps his fingers.

"And I already have the perfect people for the leads in my mind."

"Are you thinking of who I'm thinking of ?" Julia asks, a smile wide across her face. Tom nods, a matching grin.

"I think so. But how will we ever get Ivy and Karen to work together?"


	2. More To The Story

_Hey everybody! Sorry for the slow update, I'll get better at that, cross my heart and hope to marry well. Disclaimer, this show and it's characters aren't mine._

* * *

"No." Ivy says

"Oh come on, just think about it." Tom pleads with her.

"I'm already in Bombshell and we just got a Tony. I can't stop when we're so popular."

"We haven't even started this musical yet, you'll have plenty of time to be Marilyn before we even start rehearsing."

"I can't work with Karen, you know that." She says, her blonde hair swishing as she shakes her head vigorously.

"That was because you two were competing with each other, this time you won't be." Ivy scoffs.

"We will _always_ be in competition. She has always tried to steal my spotlight, and somehow she's always gotten it. I don't want to deal with that. I don't have to."

"She doesn't have a Tony." Tom reminds her, Ivy shrugs, her arms crossing, unconvinced.

"And she doesn't have Derek."

"Only because she picked Jimmy." She says, her eyes and clenched hands falling to her lap. Tom reaches over and takes her hands in his.

"Ivy, you know that's not true. Derek is...difficult, but he really does love you." She sighs.

"I know, I do. It's just hard. She gets everything handed to her on a silver platter, and she still acts like her life is hard."

"I know, and that's frustrating-"

"It's infuriating, and I can't work with that."

"You're sort of rivals in this musical, channel that emotion. You'll move your audience to tears and thunderous applause."

"I already do that." She says, laughing as Tom bumps her shoulder with his.

"Just think about it." He says.

"Fine, I will. But if we do end up working together and are nominated for the same award, I can promise you right now, my rationality will fly straight out the window."

"And I can promise you I'll be there to be the calm one." Tom says with a laugh. Ivy smiles and snuggles into his shoulder as she turns her attention back to the old Marilyn movie playing in front of them.

"So what's happening with you and Patrick?" She asks, he groans.

"Nothing. He called once, but it was strictly business, and he hasn't called since." She pats his shoulder sweetly.

"He'll come around soon."

"I don't want him to come around, I want him to come out." Tom grumbles, eliciting a laugh from Ivy.

"Oh, what time is it?" She asks, checking her watch.

"I have to go, I'm meeting Derek for lunch before Bombshell." She hugs Tom as they rise from her couch.

"Julia was talking to him about this new musical hopeful this morning, talk it over with him, will you?" Tom asks, Ivy shakes her head in disbelief.

"I know, we're a great team." He says, smiling cheekily at her.

"That's one thing to call you. I'll see you later."

* * *

"Hi Derek, sorry I'm late." Ivy says, taking off her coat as she sits down.

"Hello darling, I've ordered your usual." He says. "You look positively radiant today." Ivy looks at him warily.

"Thank you?" She says, though it sounds like a question. He doesn't say things like that, but compliments are always appreciated.

"What's going on?" She asks.

"I talked to Julia today, she's hoping to make a new musical, and she asked me to direct it."

"That's so great! Did you say yes?"

"I wanted to talk to you first. What are you thinking about this?"

Ivy smiles, even as her mind is making lists of the pros and cons of working on this new project. Derek doesn't consult with her on things, at least he didn't. Things are changing between them, and it's good.

"I'm not sure. By the end of the year I'll probably want something new, but we'll have a kid by then." She says, Derek nods.

"I know, and I want us to be there for our child, but I really think we can do this."

Ivy bites her lower lip, half in thought and half not wanting to smile again because he said the words _our _and_ we_. It shouldn't cause her heart to flutter as much as it does. She blames it on the hormones.

"I-" she hesitates. "I really don't want to work with Karen again."

She steels herself to Derek's disapproval. He simply takes her hand, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on her skin.

"Why not?" He asks. "When you two were getting along, you got on well."

"We almost never got along. The times when I could most tolerate her were pretty much when I was either drunk or tipsy."

"Then we'll get you a minibar in your dressing room." Derek says, smiling proudly at himself when she laughs.

"I don't think that would work very well." She says.

"Maybe it would work too well."

"Maybe." Their food arrives and they eat uninterrupted for a while.

"Why don't you like Karen?" Derek asks, only curiosity in his tone. Ivy studies his expression before answering.

"Remember in the very beginning, when I was the first Marilyn?" Derek nods. Ivy looks down at their hands, unsure of how to continue. His hand is strong and reassuring, holding on to hers gently.

"She was so bright, trying to dazzle everyone from behind me. And it worked. She entranced you." He makes a noise, but when she stops he motions for her to continue.

"I would see the way you'd look at her, like she was Marilyn." This time it's his gaze that flickers down, while hers is unwavering, analyzing his reactions even as she tries to seem emotionless.

"That's how it feels to me all the time. In the moments that are supposed to be mine, she's always behind me, trying to steal my spotlight... It didn't help that she told everyone I only got the part because I slept with you." Derek actually flinches.

"Ivy-"

"It's ok, it doesn't matter." She says.

"It does. And that's not-" She interrupts him again.

"Do you know why I slept with you?"

"Because I'm ruggedly handsome." He says, making her laugh.

"Maybe." She teases.

"But mostly," She ignores him when he huffs. "It was the passion in your eyes. You cared so much about your work and this musical, it was- well, it was beautiful." She blushes. He kisses her palm.

"Thank you." He says quietly, something deeper than gratitude in his tone.

* * *

They finish lunch on a lighter tone, joking and teasing each other on the way to work, though Ivy can tell Derek has something on his mind. As they reach Bombshell, he finally spits it out.

"Ivy, I'm not good with words or expressing my feelings, I usually just say things and hope you understand." Ivy nods, remembering the times he'd surprised her like that before.

"But I'm going to try harder this time." He says, taking her hands in his.

"Ivy, I chose Karen because she wasn't you." She tries to keep her features calm. He notices her hurt anyway.

"That's not what I meant. I just meant, she was moldable. I could shape her to be the Marilyn I saw in my head. I couldn't do that with you."

"Why not?" She asks.

"Because you cared too much. You had your own image for how Marilyn should be. She was a part of you. You wear Marilyn like a second skin; and very well too, if I might add." She rolls her eyes, used to his flirting but still loving it.

"But you're Ivy Lynn, and your brilliance can't be covered over. When people applaud Karen, they cheer for her character. When people applaud Marilyn, they're clapping for you." Ivy kisses him. For a really long time.

"And you said you're not good with words." She says breathlessly, flashing him her megawatt smile.

"I told you I was trying." He says, kissing her again. She pulls away reluctantly after a bit, but only slightly.

"I have to go to work now." She breathes against his mouth. He kisses her once more quickly before letting her go.

"Oh, Ivy?" He says as she starts to walk away.

"Yeah?"

"I slept with you because I wanted to. You got the part because you deserved it."

* * *

Ivy is humming as she gets ready in her dressing room, Leigh walks in the doorway, smiling as she watches her daughter sway around the room.

"Someone's in a good mood." She comments. Ivy smiles, though she stops dancing.

"Hi Mom, I am." She shimmies into her dress, Leigh walks over to help her with the zipper.

"Have you started working out yet?" Leigh asks, Ivy sighs.

"I haven't really had the time."

"I always found time to work out before doing a show, it's important." It's quiet for a while, both of them silent as they put on their stage makeup.

"I was asked to be in a new musical today. Tom and Julia are writing an original, and they want me to be in it."

"How wonderful, have you said yes yet?" Leigh asks excitedly.

"I don't know if I want to do it."

"Why not? You can't be Marilyn forever."

"I have some pretty good reasons." Ivy says, her hand unconsciously sliding over her stomach. There's barely anything there, but she's always aware of what she's hiding.

"Like what?" Leigh asks, her eyes checking her reflection in the mirror.

"Well for one thing, they want Karen to be in it too."

"She's a sweet girl, very talented." She says. Ivy's mouth falls open in shock.

"She stole my part from me." She says tightly.

"You got it back." Leigh says, shrugging her shoulders once.

Ivy struggles to keep her emotions in check, loosening her jaw every time it clenches. She has to do it three times. Leigh notices it in the mirror's reflection, she turns her chair to face Ivy, placing one hand on her knee.

"Sweetheart, you are a star, just like you always said you would be. You fought and fought and _fought_ for this role. And you won. And you're always going to have to fight like that, this is show business. So if one girl is going to keep you from doing what you love, then you're in the wrong profession."

Ivy's smile is watery as she hugs her mother. She called her a _star_. Sometimes, Leigh knows just what to say.

"Thanks Mom." Leigh brushes the hair from her daughter's cheek, smoothing it in place behind her ear.

"Don't cry, it'll mess up your makeup." She says gently, Ivy nods with a laugh, swiping her fingers against the bottom of her eyes.

"Ivy, you're on in five." A stage hand says, knocking on the door.

"See you onstage." Ivy says, Leigh smiles.

"Go be Marilyn."

* * *

Derek is reading the material for the new musical when he gets a call from Karen.

"Derek, I just got asked to be in Tom and Julia's new project!" She says as greeting, her voice practically bursting with excitement.

"Did you accept?" He asks.

"Yes, of course!"

"What about Hit List?"

"I love Hit List, but it's different without Jimmy."

"You mean better." Derek says.

"That's not fair. He was great."

"A great pain in my-"

"Be nice." She interrupts.

"Fine. Have you visited him?"

"Just once. I'm visiting him again when I'm not so busy."

Derek hears voices in the background.

"I have to go soon." Karen says. "Oh, Derek?"

"Yes?"

"Is Ivy going to accept the other role?" He hesitates to answer.

"I'm not sure yet, we're still talking about it."

"Ok. Well, just know that I'll be professional if she will."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Great. Ok, I really have to go now. Bye."

"Good luck."

Derek hangs up the phone. He takes a deep breath, then he pours over Julia's drafts with new vigor.

* * *

It's late when Ivy comes home on aching feet, Derek's sitting up in bed, a scotch in one hand and the TV remote in the other, mindlessly flipping through channels.

"Hey." He says softly, muting the TV.

"Hi." She says, stretching as she pads over to the bathroom.

"How was it tonight?" He asks her.

"Really fantastic." Ivy says as she brushes her teeth. He hears her rinse and spit.

"We had a really great audience tonight." She says, though muffled as she changes into pajamas. She walks back into the bedroom, hair mussed and eyes sleepy. She sighs contentedly as she slips under the covers. She kisses Derek once.

"You're still wearing lipstick." He says, she just snuggles into his side.

"Yeah. Didn't take off my makeup, and not gonna till tomorrow." She slurs from exhaustion.

"Ok." He says, smiling at the image she makes. He turns off the TV and slides down the bed, Ivy burrowing herself deeper into his side as he lies down. It's dark and quiet except for the sound of their slowing breath.

"Oh, hey Derek?" Ivy says, poking him in the side to get his attention.

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to accept the role. You ok with that?"

"More than ok."

"Good."

"You'll be amazing."

"I know. Goodnight."


	3. Putting It Together

_Hi everybody! Thank you for the review, that was sweet. :) I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

"This is hard." Julia states, glaring daggers at the innocent sticky notes tacked onto the cork board. Tom is by the piano, his hands rubbing the tiredness from his eyes.

"It's not like we haven't done this before." He says.

"And each time it's hard."

"Art isn't easy." She groans.

"Quoting Sondheim won't help me with this." She says, switching some of the sticky notes around on the board. Tom shrugs, humming as he plays a tune on the piano.

"Certainly won't hurt." He mutters, stopping to squint at his sheet music.

"How do you want this opening to start? A big bash or the slow buildup?"

"Maybe..." Julia hums in thought, turning a circle to gaze at Tom's apartment. "Can we have a loud beginning, as Karen enters New York City for the first time, a naive Broadway hopeful; a quiet middle, when Karen becomes a roommate to Ivy, a seasoned veteran of chorus lines; and then a big finish, when they vow to be friends and support each other through it all. Sound good?"

"Sounds great." Tom says, crossing his arms and tapping a finger to his lips. "I just realized, this story is eerily familiar to last year... Besides the friendship part. You don't suppose that'll upset Ivy and Karen?" Julia shrugs.

"I don't know, but it doesn't matter, you're the director." She gasps, a hand clapping over her mouth.

"What?" He asks, concerned.

"When I called Derek, asking him to choreograph this musical, I said we needed his direction. I meant for the dance numbers, but looking back, it must have seemed like I was asking him to be the director."

She whispers the word crap under her breath multiple times.

"You go call him, I'll keep working." Tom says, handing her a phone.

"I bet this'll be an interesting conversation." He says, she gives him a pleading look.

"Want to do it for me?"

"That would be an emphatic no."

"Coward." She mutters. He just laughs.

* * *

Ivy hates morning sickness. She really, really does. Unfortunately, it's become more and more of a routine lately. Wake up, throw up. Breakfast, throw up. Vitamins galore, queasy but fine. Until lunch. A constant cycle of yuck. She knows it's worth it though.

She's in the bathroom, brushing her teeth for the third time today, when she hears a series of muffled curses.

"Derek, what's wrong?" She says as she steps out of the bathroom, the toothbrush still dangling from her lips.

"Guess who's actually the choreographer, not the director of this musical?" He says, laughing without humor. "I should have known."

"Oh Derek, I'm so sorry." She says, her eyes soft and sad. He kisses her forehead before heading to the bedroom door.

"I'm going for a walk." He tells her.

"Try not to get too drunk." She says, her arms crossing as she leans against the bathroom doorframe.

"You know me too well."

"And because I know you, I want you to come home soon. You make stupid decisions while intoxicated." He musters a smile, but it quickly betrays his disappointment. He disappears quietly, Ivy barely hears the door close. She sighs deeply before turning back to the bathroom sink. She gets dressed and starts to make the bed, stopping when Derek's phone falls from the sheets. Ivy sighs, realizing he must have forgotten it in his haste to leave. She sticks it in her pocket and heads out of the apartment, hoping he's at his favorite bar.

* * *

Derek's sitting at the counter of his most frequented bar, it's rather empty this afternoon. A pretty new girl is tending the bar, smiling brightly as he asks for a scotch.

"You're Derek Wills, aren't you?" She asks, her red hair fiery in the shafts of sunlight drifting through the windows.

"Yeah. The scum of Broadway." He says, taking a gulp of the scotch when she hands it to him.

"I highly doubt that." She says, her hair swishing as she shakes her head. He just gulps down the rest of his drink.

"That's nice of you to say, but even Broadway's designated me as a right and proper git." She fills his glass again.

"Nonsense. You've still got loads of fans who think you're genius, despite your mistakes." He keeps drinking, only pausing when she lays her pale hand on his arm.

"For instance, there's me. I've loved your work, and I think you've still got a lot more to offer. And I can't wait to see it." He gazes in her green eyes, smiling faintly when he realizes she's in earnest.

"Thank you." He says, her smile widens even further.

"You're welcome." Her smile turns flirtatious, her hand still on his arm.

"I get off in a couple minutes, would you like to-" There's a delicate but annoyed cough from behind Derek. It's Ivy. And she's not smiling.

"Stupid decisions, Derek." She reminds him.

"Ivy Lynn!" The girl breathes. "I'm such a big fan of yours!"

"Thank you, I appreciate it." Ivy says. She smiles, it doesn't seem forced to the unobservant eye.

"This isn't what it looks like." Derek says, his arms now at his sides. Ivy picks up his hand, dropping his phone down in it, her forehead wrinkled in a frown.

"You forgot this. See you later." She turns to go but Derek holds onto her hand.

"Ivy, I can explain." He says, she sighs, looking at him impatiently.

"The bartender- I don't even know her name- she was just trying to cheer me up. That's all."

"And I can't do that, because?"

"Because, I don't want you to have to." Ivy loosens at that.

"Derek, of course I want to. That's what being together is about, we're there for each other."

"I know, I'm sorry." She hugs him tightly, his head against her shoulder as he's still sitting down, his eyes close as he soaks up her warmth. She kisses him once.

"It's ok. I'll see you tonight, yeah?"

"Yeah." She kisses him again, his face cupped in her dainty hands.

"It'll be ok, you'll be brilliant no matter what." She says.

"Thank you, Ivy." She pats his cheek and leaves, knowing he still wants to brood alone. He orders another scotch. It's given to him by a scowling man, young enough to almost be called a boy if not for the muscles. Derek is glad for the silence and loss of temptation. He drinks, the redhead's and Ivy's words swirling around in his head like the amber liquid in his glass. Disappointment heavy on his shoulders, he keeps drinking. Everything burns in his throat until he's blissfully numb.

* * *

Eileen is gathering some papers together in her office, she has a meeting with Julia and Tom, when Jerry barges through her door.

"Another musical, really?"

"Hello Jerry, thanks for knocking." Eileen says sarcastically. "And of course another musical."

"Where are you going to get the money? From another questionable backer? I'm sure your _boyfriend_ won't be so willing to go to jail this time around." He sneers, Eileen just smiles tightly.

"If I had a martini, I'd throw it at you, _with_ the glass." She says, moving around him to walk through her door.

"It's nice to- well, I've seen you. Goodbye Jerry, I have a meeting. And don't worry about my financial business, some of our old friends have been most helpful." And with that, she leaves him in the hallway.

* * *

Julia and Tom are still brainstorming in Tom's apartment when Eileen knocks on the door. Tom tries to sort his sheet music in a semi-neat pile as Julia answers the door. She starts rambling about her ideas to Eileen immediately, and though she's listening, Eileen feels as though someone's missing.

"Where's Derek?" She asks, Julia shares a look with Tom.

"He's not coming. I accidentally made it seem like he was the director, not the choreographer, so when I re-explained it to him, I didn't tell him to come today. He needed some to time to process things." Julia says, biting her lip in embarrassment.

"He's not the director?" Eileen asks, surprised.

"I am." Tom says, crossing his arms somewhat defensively. Eileen quickly recovers and smiles warmly at him.

"And you'll be amazing. So, where are we so far? With finished ideas."

"We have five songs done, three of them for the first act, and we can probably get another song done today as well." Julia says, checking her notebook over once.

"Wonderful." Eileen clasps her hands together. "When can we start a workshop?"

"We still need to go over some things with Derek, and have a meeting with everyone, Ivy and Karen included, but we should be ready for at least one workshop by next Monday." Tom says, Eileen checks her phone.

"Perfect. Send me the time for the next meeting, and I'll call them." Then she leans forward, her hands clasped under her chin.

"So, tell me the general synopsis of this musical, in only three sentences."

"A young singer journeys to NYC, becomes friends and a flat mate to a singer forever stuck in the ensemble, they struggle with show business together. The young singer makes it as a lead, her life kicks off well in the beginning; the other girl doesn't, but she does catch the romantic eye of a musical director. The second half shows the struggles with both lives, and how it affects their friendship, until the struggling singer gets a role in her boyfriend's musical and the young star is tired of her life in show business." Julia says in a rush.

"And?" Eileen asks.

"You said three sentences." Eileen laughs.

"I'm sure I can handle one more."

"They both realize they miss being friends, that they used to be a great team, so they reconcile and sing a reprise of their beginning song, vowing to stay friends through it all, this time for good." Julia finishes, smiling at Tom when he gives her a thumbs up.

"I love it. So who's playing who?"

"Karen is Julia, the younger singer; and Ivy is Leah, the singer who falls in love." Tom says, Eileen nods, then turns to Julia with an amused look.

"Are you sure you wrote this a couple years ago? It seems as though this book happened just last year."

"You know, Tom said that earlier today." Julia says thoughtfully, Tom chuckles.

"Who knew you were so clairvoyant?" He teases. Julia just laughs. Eileen stands up to leave, already planning ahead for the next meeting.

"Well, I love this story," she says. "And I think it'll be great. I'll call you soon." She pauses. "Just one more question, what's the musical's name?"

* * *

It's late when Derek stumbles home, Ivy's curled up on the couch asleep. She jerks awake as he closes the door.

"I was wondering when you were coming home." She says, yawning as she helps him up the stairs.

"Shouldn't have waited up." He slurs, his breath reeking of alcohol.

"Well I did, so help me out here. You may be fit, but I can't carry you up the stairs." She teases lightly, though he really is practically deadweight. They reach the hallway when he bolts to the bathroom. For the first time in a long while, it's not Ivy who's puking.

"Sorry." Derek mutters when he's done. She wipes his mouth with a warm, wet towel.

"It's ok." She reassures him. He's silent as she helps him undress, staring blankly as she leads him to bed. He knows he doesn't smell very good, but Ivy still curls up next to him, rubbing soothing circles on his stomach. She hums a pretty lullaby under her breath, it's calming.

"Thank you for taking care of me." He says slowly, sleep making his eyelids flutter. He feels her smile.

"Thanks for letting me."


	4. One Step Closer

_Hi everybody! Sorry for the slow update, juggling two fics at once is a handful. Thanks for your patience. Enjoy_

* * *

Today is the morning of the first workshop for Tom and Julia's musical, and Derek is painfully sober. He's accepted that it will take time before people will want him to direct again, but it still stings.

He'd been there for the meeting on Sunday, though it had taken all his strength not to be as sarcastic and bitter as he felt. It was only later, when he'd snapped at Ivy, that he realized he needed to change his attitude.

Being the understanding angel she was, she had tried to hide her disappointment, but Derek had still seen it. It had hurt. He really had been trying to be better, but screwing up seems to one of his best talents.

He had apologized and she had graciously accepted, but he still left the apartment early, feeling guilty. He had come back with mint tea, two sugars, and her brilliant smile had brightened his cloudy mind. He silently vowed to her, he was going to try harder, she deserved it.

He's early to the studio, a pre-meeting with Tom and Julia. Tom keeps making changes to everything Derek suggests, then changing it back, and it's driving Derek crazy. He sucks in a deep breath and keeps his calm. For Ivy.

* * *

Karen is excited as she waits in the elevator, the floors ticking by in red numbers. She's grateful to be starting something new, she needs the distraction. Jimmy has been writing letters to her, sweet and encouraging letters, but she needs more than that. She needs him by her side. With her.

The doors open, her lonely thoughts dissipate as she walks out. She's not looking where she's going, searching for her elusive dance shoes in the wide expanse of her purse, when she bumps into Ivy.

"Oh, sorry." She says, feeling awkward. Ivy looks about the same as she feels.

"No problem." Ivy says, moving around her.

The Sunday meeting about this musical had gone relatively smoothly, but there was an underlying tension between her and Ivy, Karen could tell. They both had been trying too hard not to step on one another's toes, and it was slightly uncomfortable.

Karen hopes that goes away.

"Are you excited?" She asks, walking faster to catch up with Ivy.

"Definitely. You?"

"Super excited." She says. Their shoes click on the hallway floor, Karen doesn't know where to direct her gaze, she desperately wants to see if Ivy's struggling for words too, she settles for staring at her shoes.

"I must admit, I'm not sure I'm looking forward to being bossed around by Derek again." Ivy says, laughing a bit. Karen frowns.  
"He's tough, but Derek only pushes us because he wants us to be our absolute best."

"I know that, I was only joking." Ivy says quickly. Karen smiles half heartedly. It quiets again. Karen nearly sighs in relief when they reach the right room. Ivy opens the door.

"And here are our stars!"

* * *

The crew applauds as Karen and Ivy enter the room. Derek smiles at their reactions, Karen gaping, Ivy beaming her megawatt smile. Karen squeals as she hugs Jessica and Bobby, excited to see her old Bombshell friends. Ivy saunters to Derek's side, he raises her hands to his lips, kissing both of them once.

"Better be careful, people might think I'm sleeping with the boss." She teases, smirking flirtatiously.

"Considering I've knocked you up, I'd say the rumors are more than true." She smacks him in the shoulder.

"Could you be any blunter?" She mutters. He smiles, his hands on her hips, pulling her closer.

"Also, I'm not the boss. I'm merely the lowly choreographer." Ivy's hands make their way to his shoulders, she straightens the collar of his shirt.

"You still have to boss around the dancers." She reminds him.

"And you." He says.

"Absolutely not."

"I don't think you have a say in that, love. But you're still the boss otherwise." She smiles as he winks at her.

"I can deal with that." She leans in to kiss him, but Tom and Julia both clear their throats loudly. The couple becomes aware of the other people in the room. And the staring. Ivy's cheeks pinken, Derek just scowls. Karen is unnaturally still as Ivy moves to stand by her. She squirms under Ivy's gaze.

"You two look happy." Karen says.

"We are." Ivy pauses, biting her lip.

"How's Jimmy?"

"He's ok. I'm visiting him tomorrow."

"Tell him I said hi."

Tom holds up his arms, all eyes focus on him.

"Hi everybody, welcome to the first workshop!" His hands lower as they applaud, his head bows slightly. Eyes gleaming, he claps his hands together once.  
"Thank you. Now, let's get to work."

* * *

Leigh is in full costume and makeup, sitting in Ivy's dressing room, when Ivy finally rushes in, so hurried she doesn't even notice her mom sitting in her chair.

"You're late." Ivy jumps, startled.

"Mom! What are you doing in here?"

Leigh helps zip up Ivy's first costume and then hands her a brown wig.

"Helping, that's what. Why are you so late? It's not very professional, or courteous to the cast and crew."

"I know, but today was the first workshop for the new musical and they ran late."

"How did that go?" Leigh asks, fixing Ivy's wig as Ivy slips on her shoes.

"It was-" she's interrupted when someone knocks on the door.

"Ivy, we needed you on stage like yesterday." Says a stressed voice.

"Sorry, I'll be out in a second." She checks her reflection once.

"Can we talk tonight, after the show?" She asks, Leigh nods.

"Sure."

* * *

Curtains down, lights off. Stage makeup washed off, costumes hanging in their places, it's time to leave. Ivy grabs her purse and her mom, and they walk out of the theater arm in arm. Cameras flash, people applaud, and chatter turns to,

"Miss Leigh, may I take a photo with you?"

"Ivy Lynn, may I have your autograph?"

"Could we bother a photo with both of you?"

"You both did an amazing job tonight!"

"I'm such a huge fan!"

"Will you marry me?"

After a while of signatures, smiles, and gently turning down proposals, Ivy and Leigh finally escape to a quiet little coffee shop. Both get tea and sit down at a table in the back.

"So, how was the workshop?" Leigh asks, stirring her drink.

"It was really good. We rehearsed a couple songs, and a few scenes between me and Karen. We haven't found the actor to play my love interest yet."

"And how has Derek been?" Leigh asks, Ivy sips her tea before answering.

"He's actually been pretty great about this. I know it was hard for him to be just the choreographer, but he was very respectful to Tom, and was even patient when we'd make mistakes." Ivy almost says something else before she shuts her mouth, pressing her lips together tightly, as though to keep the words in. It slips out anyway.

"Karen kept struggling with the choreography though, she seemed rather distracted."

"Don't be so smug, Ivy. It's unbecoming." Leigh finishes her drink, ignoring Ivy's wince at her disapproval.

"I should probably go, I have workshops all week on top of the show, so I need to get some sleep."

"Keep your energy up, you'll definitely need it. You're only going to get busier."

"Ok. Night, mom."

"Goodnight. Get some rest. See you tomorrow."

* * *

Going to prison is not one of Karen's favorite activities. Sure, she's just visiting Jimmy, but with the guards and security cameras all seeming to stare her down, she feels like a criminal. It's disconcerting. She guesses that's the point.

She's led into a room with phones and thick glass windows. Jimmy's waiting for her behind one of the enclosed areas, his smile almost as wide as the window. She picks up the phone on her side, he mirrors her.

"Hi." She says, suddenly shy.

"Hey. How are you?" He asks her.

"I'm ok. I miss you."

"I miss you too." His smile is soft, she wants to kiss him.

"How are you?" She asks, he shrugs.

"Surviving. Jail is like a tougher rehab." Karen laughs, then claps a hand over her mouth.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have laughed."

"No, I meant for you to laugh. You keep looking at me like I'm a wounded puppy, and I'm not."

"Sorry." She says again.

"It's ok." Karen doesn't really know what to say, so she just smiles.

"So tell me how you're new musical is going. What's the name?"

"It's good! Tom and Julia aren't sure of the name yet." Karen says quickly, relieved to be talking about lighter subjects.

"Do they have any names so far?"

"I think right now they've got The Stars That Shine, or The Stars That Fade, since it's about the hardships of fame and wanting fame."

"What about The Now And When, since your character is famous and Ivy's character is waiting for fame? Or All That Glitters, since your character discovers fame isn't what she thought it was."

"Those are good, I'll tell Tom and Julia." Karen says. "Oh! Ivy says hi."

"Why? We don't really know each other."

"I don't know." Karen says, shrugging. "She and Derek seem really happy." Jimmy quirks an eyebrow skeptically.

"Really, doesn't she know Derek kept trying to get with you all throughout Hit List?" Karen shrugs again.

"I didn't say anything."

"Are you two getting along?"

"Sort of. It's really awkward. It's hard to look at her without thinking of what might have happened if I'd stayed as Marilyn. Maybe I'd have won the Tony."

"Maybe's don't make reality." Jimmy says. "Besides, I'm glad you came to Hit List. You were amazing, and you deserved that Tony."

"If I had deserved it, I would have won it." She says dryly.

She checks her phone, gasping when she sees the time.

"Crap. I'm sorry, I have to go. I'm going to be late for a workshop. I'll visit soon."

"You better. And I'll come back soon too."

"You better." She repeats his words, winking at him as she stands up to leave.

She stares at the prison as her taxi drives back to the city. She sighs. She warms up her vocals on the way to the studio, hoping she's not too late. When she gets there, she races through the halls, not even noticing how empty they are. As she bursts through the door, a practiced apology already on her lips, she finally realizes she's the only one here.

Well, almost.

Standing in the middle of the room, is Derek.

Just Derek.

He motions for her to close the door.

She does.

* * *

_Thanks so much for reading! I have a big favor to ask of you, out of the four names, which do you like the best? Please comment to let me know. If you have a different, original name you like better, don't hesitate to let me know! Thank you, stay chill. :)_


	5. What Is This Feeling?

Hi everybody! New chapter already because I have a lot of Smash feels. I still do not know what to call the new musical. If it ends up something really dumb, it's on you. But mostly me. Maybe a little bit on you. ;)

* * *

Tom and Julia are walking arm in arm, giddy as they walk to the studio. They pass a Bombshell poster, Tom smiles. The musical was a triumph, one of his proudest accomplishments yet. He pats Julia's hand, bringing her attention to the paper causing such sentimentality. They stop in the middle of the sidewalk, letting the happy feeling wash over them. A couple of college students brush past them, also glancing at the poster as they walk.

"I saw the Boston preview. I think Karen made a better Marilyn. Ivy's good, but Karen was Marilyn."

Both Tom and Julia's mouths drop in shock. Tom starts to walk in their direction but Julia tightens her grip on his arm.

"Tom, what are you doing?" She hisses in a whisper. His face calms as he is jerked back to the present, but only infinitesimally.

"Did you hear them?"

"Yeah, they said their opinion."

"An idiotic opinion."

"Of course, but you can't just beat up a couple students for having a stupid opinion."

"Ivy earned Marilyn, she is the _only_ Marilyn."

"I know."

"She had that Marilyn quality Karen could never capture, no matter how much Derek thought otherwise."

"I know that too."

"Karen was soft and gentle, a vulnerable version of Marilyn. But Ivy is _all_ versions of Marilyn. She has Marilyn's golden exterior, yet she can still capture the anguish and strength Marilyn hid so well. The damaged heart covered in diamonds. Karen is the sigh, Ivy is the tears behind the smile. You can't even compare them."

"I _know, _Tom. I know." Tom stops his rant, giving Julia an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, it's just..." He shrugs, not knowing how to explain his frustration.

"I understand." And she does.

She's seen both Tom and Ivy's struggle for recognition. Both of them had been known, but not as they'd wanted to be. Bombshell was their big break, Ivy as the star, Tom as the director. Something they'd been dreaming of for so long, and fighting so hard for, and yet even as they'd made it, they still have to keep fighting. It's beyond frustrating to watch, and most definitely worse to be going through. So yes, she understands.

"Come on, Mr. Director man. You've got a musical to run." She says playfully, eliciting a smile from Tom, tugging him along with her. Gaining back their brisk pace, they walk on.

* * *

"What's going on?" Karen asks as she walks to Derek.

"You need to learn this number. Yesterday you were struggling, and that can't happen again."

"I wasn't struggling, I was just distracted." She says defensively, her arms crossing. He simply sighs and gestures for her to come closer. She does so begrudgingly, her arms falling to her sides.

"Fine." She mutters.

"We'll take it from the second number, where you meet the guy that becomes Ivy's- Leah's boyfriend. Remember, he thinks he's into you in this scene, and you with him."

Karen nods, they dance. Derek doesn't say much, occasionally correcting her steps every once in a while. Whenever they touch, Karen has to ignore the weird feeling she gets in the pit of her stomach. She chalks it up to missing Jimmy. Even so, there's a warmth in her chest. But Derek's not looking at her, his gaze is distant and unfocused, even as he dances perfectly. He frowns when he dips her.

"What are you thinking about?" She asks when he lets her go.

"Ivy would kill me if she saw us dancing like this. It's nothing, but still. I promised..." He drifts off in the middle of his sentence and walks further away from her. Karen shrugs.

"You're not doing anything wrong."

"But it could look like-"

"It'll look like you're doing your job, teaching me choreography, which is what you're supposed to do." He just shakes his head and steps out of the room. Karen ignores the sting, not even knowing why it stings at all.

* * *

The rest of the crew trickle in, Tom and Julia occupying the only table in the room, Derek reappearing with Ivy. He pulls her to the back wall by the window, speaking to her in hushed tones. Karen doesn't eavesdrop, she's too old for that, but she can't help but overhear their conversation. After all, when one walks closer to a juicy bit of talk, they often catch snippets of what's being said.

"You had a private lesson with Karen? Really?" Ivy asks, disbelief coloring her voice.

"I was just trying to help her with choreography, that's it. I swear." Derek says, a pleading note in his tone, Karen's not sure she's ever heard him speak like that before. There's a moment when Ivy just studies Derek's face. Karen holds her breath, though she's not sure why she should be nervous.

"Ok."Ivy says.

Karen releases the pent up air. Sucks in another lungful.

"Ok?"

"I'm trusting you, Derek."

"Thank you. I won't mess this up. I promise." He says, relieved.

He kisses her, cupping her face in between his hands. Karen feels like she's intruding, even though they can't see her. Tom huffs, and she steps away from the couple as they pull apart.

"All right, everyone. Now that we're all focused, I wanted to introduce you to our new cast member. For the role of Nick, Ivy's love interest, Lyle West!" Tom announces, the room bursts into applause as the young star walks in. Ivy squeals and runs to hug him. Karen walks to Derek's side, noting that Derek looks a whole lot moodier than he did a few minutes ago.

"Lyle! I didn't know you were going to be in this! Why didn't you tell me?" Ivy asks happily when she pulls away, though she keeps her arms around Lyle's neck. Derek scowls.

"I wanted to surprise you. Congratulations on winning your Tony! You certainly deserved it." She hugs him again, then steps back as Tom calls for attention.

"Lyle, welcome. Ok, let's get started for today."

* * *

The workshop goes well, Karen and Lyle practicing their dance scene together for part of it. He's very smooth, very talented. Karen hadn't been expecting less, and yet she'd been surprised. What truly surprised her the most was how much Lyle would fawn over Ivy.

"It's almost as if she's the TV star and he's the star struck fan. Wonder what it is between them."

She'd muttered under her breath as he'd gazed starry-eyed at Ivy for the fifth time that day. Derek had heard her and grunted in agreement.

Afterwards, Derek walks over to Ivy's side as she chats with Lyle, his arm wrapping around her waist. If Lyle noticed the slightly protective gesture, he doesn't show it. Karen joins the group.

"We need to catch up sometime." Lyle is saying to Ivy as Karen walks up to him.

"Hi Lyle, I'm not sure we've met. I'm Karen Cartwright." She says, holding out her hand, he shakes it once, smiling.

"Oh, yeah. Hit List, right? Still haven't seen that."

"Would you like to? I could get you seats." Derek says.

"I'd love to. Ivy, would you like to see it with me?" Lyle asks, turning back to Ivy. Derek's hand tightens on her waist almost imperceptibly.

"Sorry, but I'm still Marilyn at night." She says, he laughs.

"That's right. Oh well, we can't deprive Broadway its Marilyn. Anyway, I've got to run, but I'll see you at Hit List." Lyle says to Karen. He kisses Ivy on the cheek, shakes Derek's hand, never wincing as Derek squeezes harder than necessary, and nods to Karen. Then he's gone.

* * *

Derek walks down the street with Ivy, she hums contentedly under her breath. She can tell he's brooding, but she won't address it.

"I didn't realize you and Lyle were so close." He says suddenly.

"So that's what's eating at you. I was wondering."

"I thought you and Lyle only met once?" He asks.

"We did." He frowns, she's avoiding his silent question. He doesn't actually want to ask, but he can tell Ivy knows, her smirk gives her away.

"Ivy."

"Derek." She teases, he sighs. "Something you want to ask?" She asks airily.

"You're really enjoying this, aren't you?" He grumbles.

"Most definitely. But I'd enjoy it more with some food." She stops talking as they walk into a cafe, focusing only on her food. Finally, when she can no longer ignore the heavy scowl on her grump's face, she addresses him.

"Just say it, Derek. Your forehead wrinkle is practically screaming." Ivy says, he relaxes his face.

"Well you're avoiding the question."

"You haven't asked me anything."

"Fine. Did you-"

"No." He sighs in relief. Ivy laughs.

"Your jealousy is cute-"

"I'm not jealous."

"_I'm_ not finished." She gives him a look, he huffs, his glare practically burning a hole through the poor, innocent table. "As I was saying, your jealousy is cute, but as unfounded as it is, I'm actually glad you feel that way right now."

Derek's gaze jerks up from staring at the table, Ivy's face is serious now.

"Keep this feeling in your mind every time someone catches your eye. Because you've put me through much worse than jealousy." Derek winces, Ivy reaches for his hand. He grabs onto it, she squeezes reassuringly.

"Sorry, I didn't want to bring that up, we've put that behind us, but I just wanted- I don't know. Sorry."

"I understand, and I'm the one who's sorry. For all of it." Derek says. She smiles sweetly, pulling him up from his chair.

"I know."

"I want to kiss you." He says, staring at her pink lips.

"I know that too, but we should really be heading home, I have to get a few things before I go to Bombshell."

"You're going to take a nap." Derek guesses.

"You caught me."

"Maybe I'll join you." He says, holding the cafe's door open for her. She smiles, patting his cheek in thanks as she passes him, grabbing his hand and pulling him along.

"Maybe you can. But we're actually going to _sleep_. I'm tired."

"Is it the baby?" Derek asks, concerned.

"Probably. Today hasn't been too bad though."

"When are we going to tell people?" Ivy bites her lip, walking slower.

"I'm not sure."

"We're going to have to tell people sooner or later."

"I know. Just, not yet."

"Ok." She looks up, worried that he's upset. He simply smiles gently at her.

"Let's go take a nap." He says, she relaxes.

"Ok."

* * *

"Hey Mom, can I ask you something?" Ivy says, walking up to Leigh's dressing room, leaning against the doorframe as she watches her mom remove her stage makeup. The show is done for tonight, and Ivy is exhausted. Leigh, looking in the mirror as she wipes off the heavy concealer, smiles at Ivy's reflection.

"Go ahead."

"What was it like, being pregnant with me while still working?"

"Tiring. Very, very tiring. And I wasn't even performing then, just recording an album."

"Do you think you could have performed though?"

"Of course, but it would have been bad for publicity. Nobody wants to see somebody pregnant onstage."

Leigh pauses, suddenly suspicious.

"Why do you want to know?"

"I'm just wondering." Ivy says, very nonchalantly. Leigh narrows her eyes.

"Are you and Derek trying?" Ivy opens her mouth, but Leigh interrupts before she's even said a word.

"Don't get pregnant Ivy, not this early into your career. You can't stop yet. You haven't made a big enough name for yourself to take a break."

"So having a kid is 'taking a break.' I was just a hobby, something you made because you had some free time."

"That's not what I meant."

"But it's what you think." With that Ivy walks away, makeup still fully on.

"Ivy, wait-" Leigh says, following after her. She almost catches up to her, but Ivy slips out the backstage door.

"Miss Leigh, I am such a big fan! Can I have your autograph?"

Leigh stares helplessly at Ivy's retreating back, walking so fast even the crowd can't stop her. She sighs. Then she smiles, ever the breathtaking vision of grace. A camera flashes.

"Of course. Anything for a fan."

"Thank you! I absolutely love you!"

The smile dims a moment, then brightens again.

"Thank you very much, I appreciate it."

The playbill is autographed, the person is replaced.

"Hi Miss Leigh! I adore you!"

"Hi Miss Leigh, can I have a photo with you? You're so amazing!"

"I love you!"

"I love you!"

"I love you!"

* * *

She's in a taxi, being driven away from the roar of a loving crowd. She's grateful for them, loves every second of that recognition, but the relative silence in the car is blissful. She pulls her phone from her purse. The tap of her fingers against the screen is quiet, but so loud to her ears.

_You're overreacting._

Text delivered.

Read.

Ignored.

_I didn't mean it like that. _

Text delivered.

_I'm sorry. _

Read_. _

_I love you. _

Ignored.

She waits for the ding of a text.

The silence is deafening.

* * *

Ivy crashes into Derek as soon as she's through the apartment doors. He's on the couch, reading a script, when she practically jumps him. Her lips are hot on his, insistent. Her cheeks are wet to the touch, makeup smearing on his hands.

"Ivy, are you ok?"

"Don't talk, just kiss me."

"What's wrong?" She growls, kissing him harder. It's more teeth than anything, but Derek's not complaining.

"I can't drink, so you're the next best thing." She says, biting a trail from his ear down to his neck. It's rather distracting.

"_Next_ best thing?" He says, more amused than offended. She groans in frustration. Derek almost loses coherent thought just from the sound. Still-

"Ivy, talk to me. Come on." She leans back, still on his lap. She sniffles.

"You want this baby, don't you?" She asks, calming down. But an oncoming storm waits in her eyes.

"Of course I do. So much." To his confusion, the storm darkens further.

"And you want me too, I'm not something to forget about when you tire of me. Not just something to have when you've got some spare time to kill."

"Never." She kisses him. Slower, but not softer. She nips his bottom lip.

"You want me." She whispers against his mouth. He pulls her face away to look her in the eyes. He stares into the depths of the storm, a chaos of emotions and thoughts he can't quite figure out. He doesn't try though, he just says the words that resonate in the core of his being.

"You're _everything_ I want."

She kisses him, the honest truth of his words ringing through both of them.

"Please, just, kiss me. Please." She pleads, her hands twisting the fabric of his shirt. His answer is silent. He kisses her.

* * *

It's early in the morning, and Derek is very content. He's wrapped up in his sheets, and Ivy is wrapped up in his arms. It's not a bad way to wake up. Not bad at all. Ivy's phone shrieks, disturbing the calm. They both groan. Ivy slips out of his arms and gingerly walks on tiptoe, the floor cold to her feet. Derek just enjoys the view. Ivy searches for her phone, forgotten in the heat of last night. It's in the doorway, lying in a pile of clothes.

"Mom?" She asks groggily, still half asleep.

"What!?" She asks sharply, suddenly alert. Derek sits up, concerned at the alarm on her face.

"Ok. We'll be right there." She hangs up the phone. She rummages through the closet, throwing some clothes on the bed. She races to the bathroom, a flurry of sudden, frantic busyness.

"What is going on?" Derek asks.

"Get up," Ivy's panicked voice says. "We have to go to the hospital."


	6. What If?

_Hey cats and kittens, super sorry for the slow update! I got sucked into a different muse, and I'm not so good at multitasking. :3 But I'm getting back into this groove, and will be updating a longer chapter again soon! 3_

* * *

Derek doesn't like hospitals.

He doesn't like the way they smell, the way the solemn-faced people bustle through the halls, and he definitely doesn't like the fact that someone in Ivy's family is here.

She'd been so still on the car ride over, never looking at him as she'd clutched his hand in an iron grip.

She hadn't told him who was in the hospital, but judging from the deeply furrowed brow and the bitten lips, he'd guessed it was someone important.

Now she's tapping her foot impatiently in the elevator, Derek doesn't know what to say.

He doesn't even know why they're here.

The doors open with a quiet ding, he sighs in relief.

Ivy walks quickly through the hall, pulling Derek along with her, she stops at the nurse's station.

"I'm here for Henry Davis." Ivy says to the nurse, Derek doesn't recognize the name.

"Are you family?"

"I'm his daughter."

The nurse leads them further down the hall, Derek tries to hide his surprise.

Ivy's never talked about her father before.

Then again, he's never asked.

It just never came up.

For some reason he feels guilty.

* * *

Ivy stifles a sigh when she reaches her father's room.

Leigh had been very brief on the phone, giving her the name of the hospital where she and Henry were, but that had been it.

Ivy had been expecting the worst.

Blood and guts and tears and dying.

She figures she's been watching too much of Grey's Anatomy.

Instead, she's greeted by a quiet room, her tall and graying father sleeping in a hospital bed, her gigantic star of a mother sitting small in an uncomfortable chair beside him.

Leigh stands when she sees her daughter, walking to the door and closing it behind her as she steps out.

She's trembling as she hugs Ivy.

"Mom, are you ok? What's going on?" Ivy asks, pulling away to study her mom's features.

Leigh's eyes are red as she smiles, it's a bit too watery to be reassuring.

"This morning your father suffered a heart attack. The doctors managed to fix things, but they're keeping him here for observation, or something like that. They speak in such fast medical jargon." She mutters the last part under her breath in frustration, but she smiles again when she sees Ivy's worried look.

The smile is more of a tired wince.

"I'll get you both coffee." Derek says.

Ivy almost jumps, she'd forgotten he was there.

"Thanks." She says, he squeezes her hand once comfortingly before wandering off.

"You never answered my first question," Ivy says once Derek's out of hearing range. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine." Again with the fleeting smile.

Ivy's look is more than skeptical.

"Mom, you're a great actress, but not that great."

Leigh sighs, it's as if she's aged years overnight.

Gone is the facade of perfection, for once she looks like a normal person.

A _tired_ person.

"I'm sorry about last night." She says, evading the question.

"Don't apologize, I was emotional and stressed." Ivy says, waving her hand dismissively. She turns to the window, staring at her father.

"How's he doing?" Leigh turns to the window as well, her breath hitching once before steadying.

"He's ok, I guess. Pretty sleepy, but he woke up once to ask for water. He had some trouble swallowing, and the doctor said-" Leigh claps a hand over her mouth, squeezing her eyes shut tightly.

Ivy holds her free hand, ignoring how it shakes in hers.

"The doctor said if he continues to have trouble swallowing, he'll have to have a tube inserted into his stomach." Ivy gasps in horror.

"But wouldn't that make complications for him in the future? Wouldn't there be risk in moving around? And what about infection-"

"Would you rather have him starve, or choke to death?" Leigh says darkly.

Ivy bites her lip, willing whatever emotion that's tightening her throat to go away.

"Sorry." Leigh whispers.

This time it's Ivy who closes her eyes.

"It's okay."

* * *

Derek comes back with coffee, Ivy kisses him on the cheek in gratitude.

He's brought her mint tea with two sugars, her favorite.

"Sorry luv, but we're late for rehearsal. I can call-"

"Go to rehearsal," Leigh says. "There shouldn't be much change for a while. I'll call you later."

Ivy nods, understanding her mother's need for peace right now.

That's not something Ivy can give her.

"Is there anything I can do?" She asks, hating this feeling of helplessness.

"Let Linda know I won't be performing in Bombshell for a little while. My understudy should be ecstatic." Leigh jokes, trying to lighten the mood.

Her efforts fall flat.

"Sure." Leigh turns to walk back into the room.

"Mom, you going to be ok?"

"Of course." She says, never turning around. "The show must go on."

* * *

It's hard to focus on choreography when your pregnant girlfriend's dad is in the hospital, Derek finds.

Ivy's distracted too, and it shows.

Derek swears Tom's going to have a heart attack.

"Derek, what's wrong? You seem tense." Karen asks, leaning against the table next to him.

"Hmm? Oh, I'm fine." He says, watching Ivy.

The blonde beauty is talking to Lyle, laughing for the first time today.

He's happy to see her distracted, but he wishes it wasn't Lyle who's distracting her.

"You don't look fine. You look...messy. Like, even more so than usual."

"Long day."

"It's barely lunch time."

Derek rubs his face, the stubble of his unshaven chin is scratchy to touch.

"Ivy's looking pretty rough today too..." Karen hums in thought. "Were you two late today because you had a morning..._private lesson_?" She whispers the last part, her hand cupping her mouth as if it keeps the word private.

"What? _No_." Derek says forcefully, Karen shrugs.

"It's not a big deal, although Tom would probably flip." She mutters.

"That is _not_ what happened this morning." Derek hisses, she holds up her hands in defense.

"Someone's grouchy today." She comments, walking away in a huff.

He groans, wishing today was over.

But it's not, so he stands and walks over to the dancers, correcting their mistakes.

The show must go on.

* * *

Ivy's exhausted, halfway through the first half of Bombshell and she's ready to call it a night.

She's not sure if the tears in her finale are from acting, emotion, or bone aching tiredness, but the applause is louder than ever.

She smiles, it's brilliant and blinding.

Her head is pounding.

Derek is waiting for her after the show, his arms warm around her in the taxi ride home.

She falls asleep, her head on his shoulder.

She wakes up still in his arms, he's cradling her as he walks up the stairs.

"You could have woken me up." She mumbles into his neck.

"I tried." He teases, he can feel her smile.

It's tiny, but sincere.

"Sorry."

"Not a problem, except I can't open the door."

She smiles wider, it tickles.

Her hand reaches out, turning the doorknob.

He carries her all the way to bed, she's glad she'd changed into comfier clothes earlier, she's too tired to put on pajamas.

She's dozing when Derek slips in next to her.

He says nothing as their bodies curl together, simply letting her mold his body to fit hers better.

Her sigh of contentment makes the elbowing and shoving worth it.

It's silent except for soft breaths.

"Derek?" Ivy says quietly. "What if-"

"Shhh. Hush luv, don't think about it tonight. Sleep."

So she does.

He joins her in the unconscious bliss.

They sleep and the weary world spins on.


	7. Slipping Through My Fingers

_Hello my dearies! New chapter, hopefully you won't keep having to wait so long. :3 _

_Thank you for your patience! :)_

* * *

"Are you going to rehearsal today?" Derek asks, Ivy's answer is muted from the bathroom.

"No, I'm going to visit my dad." Derek nods, forgetting she can't see him.

"Henry Davis. How is it I've never heard of him before?" He asks, Ivy walks into the bedroom as he's putting on his shoes.

"He's not in show business, he's a dermatologist."

"That explains your family's amazing skin." Derek smiles at his own joke, Ivy ignores it.

"So why is he treated like a secret?"

"He's not, he and mom just prefer the anonymity."

They stop talking, getting ready together in silence. Ivy unravels her hair from her creamy bath towel, her figure still covered by a thick robe.

"When are we going to tell people about the baby?" Derek says, his arms reaching out from behind her, cradling the small bump. She sighs.

"I don't know. It never feels like the right time."

"I don't think there's ever a right time for anything, we just have to do it." He says, she pulls out of his embrace, her arms crossing defensively.

"That's the way _you_ do things, but not me."

"What are you insinuating?"

"Nothing, it's just- when it comes to personal things, you tend to say exactly what's on your mind, never thinking about the aftermath of your words."

"Would you rather I not say anything at all? We'd never communicate."

"That's not communicating! That's you saying whatever you want, and me constantly second guessing it because your mind changes as easily as your emotions do." Derek walks across the room, putting distance between them, Ivy shuts her eyes, cursing herself for the words she means but never wanted to say.

"So that's why you don't want to tell people? Because you think I'll change my mind about wanting it?" Derek asks ever so calmly, even as the thought tears at him.

"Look, I'm just stressed, this isn't the right time to talk about this."

"Well if you have your way, we'll never talk about it. That's what you want, isn't it? Just wait until I change my mind, and you'll be proved right."

"Of course that's not what I want." Ivy says quietly, Derek sighs. He walks closer to her, holding her hands and bringing them to his lips in apology. They're soft and cold, so small compared to his.

"I'm not going to change my mind, Ivy. Believe me."

"I'm trying."

He kisses her forehead, hugging her still form against his. Then he lets go and is gone.

She's left to her jumbled thoughts, an apology dying on her lips.

* * *

Leigh's dozing in an uncomfortable chair when Ivy walks into the hospital room. She wakes with a start as Ivy closes the door.

"Sorry." Ivy says sheepishly. Leigh just nods, tiredness etched under her eyes.

"How much sleep have you gotten?" Ivy asks, Leigh checks her wristwatch with a yawn.

"I don't know. Maybe three hours?"

"That's not enough." Ivy scolds.

"It's hard to sleep when nurses come in every hour on the hour to check if your father's still breathing." She says, her hand waving in direction of the shut door.

"And is he?"

"Of _course_ he is. I would have called if he wasn't." Leigh snaps, rubbing her bloodshot eyes.

"Just checking." Ivy says, an edge in her tone.

Leigh sighs.

"I know."

"Why don't you go home and get some sleep? I can stay with dad." Ivy offers.

"Thank you, but what about rehearsal?"

"They can survive one day without me."

"Be careful Ivy, you know everyone in this business is replaceable." Leigh warns, even as she stands from her chair to leave. Ivy grabs her coat and purse, walking her out the door.

"It'll be fine, just get some rest. Do you need me to call you a cab?"

"I've got it." Leigh says absentmindedly, checking for her phone in her pockets. Ivy pulls the phone from Leigh's purse and hands it to her with a concerned look.

"When should I come back?" Leigh asks, suppressing a yawn.

"I'll call you, now go home." Ivy kisses her cheek, watching her mother make her way through the hall. Then she pulls up the chair Leigh had been snoozing in and sits on it gingerly, waiting for any sign of movement from her dad.

She tries to get comfortable, this could take a while.

* * *

Tom is close to panicking.

The first show he's ever directed from the beginning, and it's not finished, one of the main stars isn't at rehearsal, and the musical is still nameless.

It's enough to make anyone even the tiniest bit crazy.

"Julia, I swear this musical will be the death of me." Tom moans, the palms of his hands rubbing his temples, his burgeoning headache making it hard to focus.

"You say that for every musical." Julia says dryly, glasses perched precariously on her nose as she writes in her notebook.

"Well I mean it this time." She hums at that, biting the end of her pencil. She stares at the scene in front of her, Derek's being positively brutal to the poor dancers. Karen looks ticked.

"Maybe you should have them take five." She says. "Derek looks like he could use it."

"He's just grumpy Ivy isn't here." Tom says with a smirk.

"Why _isn't_ Ivy here?" Julia asks, Tom shrugs.

"Are you two not talking? Did something happen?"

Tom crosses his arms as he leans back in his chair.

"Nothing happened. We're fine. Well, I thought we were. I don't know, she's been rather distant lately. I just chalked it up to her being busy with Bombshell and Derek."

"You think something's up with them?"

"I don't know. But I do know that if there were, Ivy would tell me."

* * *

"Hey dad." Ivy says, staring at the still form in the hospital bed in front of her.

Her dad looks peaceful, the blue eyes just a shade deeper than Ivy's are closed, his chest rising slowly with each steady breath.

"We haven't really talked in a while and I know you're sleeping but there're a couple things I need to tell you that I can't tell anyone else. I'm pregnant. With Derek's child. And I'm scared. I'm in a new musical that's moving twice as fast as Bombshell with half the time. It's not even finished yet but we're supposed to be on Broadway by next season. It's exhausting. I'm not sure I can keep it up, I don't think it's good for the baby. God, I have a _baby_. And I can't tell people."

"Why not?" His deep voice asks, crackly from disuse.

Ivy nearly jumps out of her chair.

"You're _awake_?!" She screeches, her hand flying to her rapidly beating heart.

"Just because a man's eyes are closed, doesn't mean he's asleep." He says, amusement breaking through the dryness of his throat.

Ivy hurries to hand him a glass of water even as she scowls.

"How long have you been awake?" She asks, her cheeks blushing and her tone clearly demanding an answer.

"I was woken by the angelic voice of my daughter saying hey." He says, the skin around his eyes wrinkling as he grins.

Ivy smiles back in reaction, never able to resist the infectious happiness of her father's smile.

"So you heard all of that?" She asks, his grin turns mischievous.

"Yes. Apparently I'm going to be a grandfather?" Ivy nods.

"Ooh, your mother's going to be a grandmother. I'm not sure how she'll take that."

"She'll probably hate that someone else in our family will get more attention than her." Ivy grumbles.

Henry takes a sip of his water, coughing hard as he chokes on it, Ivy hovers near him in a panic.

"Are you ok?" She asks, her thumb on the nurse's call button.

He waves her away, chuckling ruefully as he carefully sets the water by his bedside table.

"Why are you scared of having a baby, Princess?" Ivy's furrowed brow smoothes at the familiar nickname. It tightens again when she remembers why she'd said she was scared.

"So many reasons. What if something happens? What if the child grows up feeling neglected? And there's the whole part of growing up in the social media's eye." Ivy's voice lowers to a whisper as the deeper worries slip past her lips. "What if it turns out Derek doesn't want this family after all? What if I'm not a good mother?"

"So many 'what ifs.'" Henry says, a firm hand reaching out to grasp Ivy's.

"There's always going to be 'what ifs' Princess. It's a part of life."

"It just feels like everything's careening out of control." Ivy admits.

Henry nods compassionately.

"Let me tell you a secret, Sweetie. It's always going to feel that way."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Ivy asks, breathing out a confused laugh.

"A little bit, yeah. Because everyone feels that way. There's a good portion of life we can't control, but there's also a good portion that we can. You just have to choose what you let slip through your fingers, and what you hold on to."

Ivy muses on that, letting the words sink in. Her thoughts are interrupted as the door opens.

She expects a doctor or a nurse, but she and Henry are greeted by a shock of red curls in heels.

"Hi, beautiful." Henry sighs happily as Leigh walks over to his bed.

"You wrinkly flirt." She says, kissing his forehead affectionately.

"Mom, you're supposed to be sleeping." Ivy chides gently.

"_You're_ supposed to be at rehearsal. We'll be fine, but Tom needs his star." Leigh says.

Ivy's resolve weakens at that.

"You sure you won't need me?" She asks, Henry nods with a reassuring smile.

"You don't have to be around these old fogies anymore." He says with a wink.

Leigh smacks him lightly on the shoulder.

"Watch who you call _old_."

Ivy chuckles as she watches her parents, seeing the comfortable love they have for one another.

It's always been that way, ever since she was little.

She wants something like that.

She's struck with an epiphany, and suddenly she loses all reluctance to leave.

"All right, I'm going. But I'm only call away, so _call_." She says as she walks out of the room, blowing a kiss to her parents before closing the door behind her.

* * *

"So you couldn't sleep?" Henry asks, his attention now solely focused on his wife.

Leigh sighs, wet affection misting her eyes as she smiles tiredly.

"The bed was too big."

"C'mere." Henry says softly, tugging her ever closer.

With her free hand, Leigh takes off her shoes. She loses inches, and some of her regal presence.

To Henry, she's as achingly beautiful as the day he first met her.

The memories might be a bit dulled, but the awe is not.

Leigh climbs up next to him on the hospital bed, curling into his good side. His arm wraps around her and their bodies settle into each other as easily as a sigh.

"You missed me." He teases, she just releases a deep breath.

He understands.

He presses a kiss into her curls, the fresh scent of her shampoo tickling his nose.

"I missed you too."

* * *

Karen is not happy.

Derek must be having a bad day, because it's certainly showing.

A dancer messed up several times and Derek nearly made the poor girl cry.

He's yelled at Karen twice and snapped at her constantly.

Once he even called her an incompetent mess of legs.

So yeah, she's not happy.

She doesn't get it, Derek's been in a pretty great mood lately.

Apparently those don't last.

The ensemble has been muttering their speculations on the reason for his mood swing, most had guessed it was relationship problems with Ivy.

Karen had disagreed, but secretly, a tiny, subconscious part of her hoped so.

She ignored it.

They're in the middle of learning Ivy's dance number- without her- when suddenly the doors fly open.

Ivy strides in.

Her head is thrown back in confidence, the gleam in her eyes is mischievous and happy, the curve of her teeth gleam as she smiles like a rising sun.

She marches straight over to Derek, her smile growing impossibly brilliant.

She kisses him. Full on the mouth.

The entire rooms gapes on in bewilderment as the couple enjoy a very enthusiastic lip lock.

Karen looks away.

"Ivy," Derek murmurs, his mood already a thousand times lighter. "You alright?"

"Perfect. And I want you to tell them."

"Really?" Derek's tone is surprised, Karen would even dare to say joyous.

"Really."

"But what about-" Ivy kisses him again.

Karen is so confused. The couple are sharing this psychic conversation with their eyes, but it makes no sense to anyone else.

Tom is Karen's hero when he finally clears his throat.

"What in blazes is going on?" He asks, too bemused to be fully irritated.

"Tell them." Ivy says, bouncing a little, even as her arms are wrapped tightly around Derek's neck.

"You don't want to?" He asks, she shakes her head.

"You deserve it." He kisses her again.

"Okay. Hi everyone, Ivy and I have some news." He takes a deep breath, his ecstatic smile nearly splitting his face in two.

"Ivy's pregnant."


	8. I Know A Girl

_Sorry for the slow update dearies, I have many excuses, but I shan't bore you with them. Thank you for the lovely reviews!_

_Enjoy._

* * *

There's a list of things Karen had been expecting to happen today. She'd been expecting to read a letter from Jimmy, maybe get a cup of coffee, rehearse with Derek, and then perform in Hit List.

It never gets dull, maybe repetitive, but never dull.

She likes it. It's reliable.

The last thing she'd expected was a glowing Ivy Lynn interrupting rehearsal to play tonsil hockey with Derek and then have him announce she's pregnant.

But that's what had happened.

It's quite a dramatic shock.

How very Ivy.

The room is still abuzz in chaos. Tom's mouth is agape in shock; Julia, Jessica, and Bobbie are fawning over Ivy; Ivy is eating it up, her hand intertwined with Derek's; Derek's grin is positively Cheshire.

After a moment of the giddy news settling in, Tom calls for a break. People trickle out of the room for water and gossip.

"Congrats, you guys!" Karen says, walking up to the couple, smiling at Ivy before giving half a hug to Derek. "This is exciting!"

"Thank you." Derek nods, his leg bouncing slightly in excitement as he leans against the desk, his arm slung around Ivy's hips with easy familiarity.

"How far along are you?" She asks, turning to Ivy.

"A few months." She says. Karen can't help but notice how Derek squeezes Ivy's waist just a tad tighter at that, he grins at the squeak it elicits.

Karen's happy for them.

It doesn't bother her.

It doesn't.

Why would it?

"Do you know the gender?" She asks.

Ivy's hair shines gold as she shakes her head.

"Not yet." She turns to Derek. "Do we want to know?" He shrugs. "We can talk about it later." She says, he smiles in agreement.

Ivy's been here for less than ten minutes, and Derek's smiled more in that time than the whole day.

It's interesting.

Karen wonders if she does that when she's around Jimmy.

She can't remember.

"Not that I'm complaining," Derek says, jerking Karen from her thoughts, her startled shoulders relax when she realizes he's not talking to her. "But why did you decide to tell people about the baby now?"

Ivy's little smile is gentle and shy as she plays with Derek's free hand.

"I just... I saw my parents today, and I saw how happy they were. My dad practically lit up like a Christmas tree when my mom walked into the room, and even when he was sleeping for hours, my mom was right there with him. I've always wanted something like that. And then I realized, I could have that. I _do_ have that. I just have to stop getting in my own way."

Derek's smiling even as he kisses Ivy.

Karen would feel like a third wheel if it wasn't for the fact that there were four people in the group.

"Everyone come back, let's start at Ivy's number." Tom calls. "Ivy, unless you've got more surprising news to share with everyone, I hope you're able to work."

His words are clipped, he turns to the dancing crew with a huff. Karen quirks an eyebrow, Tom had been perfectly chipper twenty minutes ago.

"What's up with him?" Karen asks, her confusion coming out as a half laugh.

Ivy frowns, white teeth stark against her pink lips as she bites them. She grips Derek's arm tighter to catch his attention.

"I just realized, I didn't tell Tom about the baby. Besides you and Sam, no one else knew till now."

"Sam knew?" He asks, bemused.

"He figured it out. I'll tell you about it later, but right now I have to talk to Tom."

"Why would that upset him?" Karen asks, not understanding Ivy's train of thought.

Derek shrugs as Ivy leaves his side to talk to Tom. Karen leans against the desk next to him.

"So how are you feeling about all of this?" She asks.

A gushy, utterly besotted grin spreads across his face, so sappy Karen would have rolled her eyes if it was anyone else.

"Honestly, I'm really happy."

"Good. I'm glad."

She smiles as she hugs him, it drops as her face falls from view.

He smells like his usual cologne, one of Karen's favorite scents, but a light flowery scent tickles her nose as well. It must be Ivy's.

She smiles again when she pulls away from the embrace, it's happy and hides anything less.

Tom calls for her, she lets herself get sucked into Julia. The character's worries seem more fantastic and lighter than the thoughts swirling around Karen's mind, she's grateful to focus on something else.

Distraction is her best friend.

* * *

Tom is sorting sheet music as Ivy approaches, she can tell he's upset. The papers make quite a thump as he drops the organized pile on the table.

"Hey Tom, can we talk?" Ivy asks.

"That depends, are you going to tell me more secrets you didn't tell me before you told the masses, or are you going to ask me about work, which also involves you keeping secrets from me?" Tom says, never turning to look at her as he stacks different sheet piles with increasing vigor.

"I don't have any work secrets."

"You're pregnant, Ivy. As your director, much less your _friend_, I need to know these kinds of things. It's important, it changes everything, and you should have told me."

"I know, I'm sorry."

He turns to her, his arms crossing.

"Who knew before today?"

"Just Derek, Sam, and my dad. My own mother doesn't even know yet."

"You told Sam before me?!"

"He figured it out, ok? He noticed. It's not my fault you didn't."

As soon as the words slip from her mouth, she knows it's the wrong thing to say. Tom shakes his head in offended disbelief.

"I don't need this right now. Let's just get to work."

The words sting.

He calls the other dancers to the center of the room, starting Ivy's fast-tempo-ed number. The song details how Ivy's character shows Karen's the ropes and shares the secrets of show business.

How very ironic.

She tries to catch Tom's eye several times between her lyrics, a pleading apology in her baby blues.

Other than an occasional, slightly harsh correction, he ignores Ivy completely.

She resolves to fix things with him.

Right after she breaks the baby news to her mom.

Uh oh.

* * *

It's an hour before Karen's first show of the day, she's spending the time at her favorite café. The quiet little coffee shop calms her conflicted thoughts, she sips chamomile as she sorts through them.

Ivy's pregnant.

With Derek's child.

It's a lot to process.

Also, Ivy must have gotten pregnant around the same time Derek was still pursuing Karen.

Interesting.

A petty, bitter part of Karen thinks it makes sense, how quickly he had dropped her after the Tony's.

He must have found out then.

He got a kid and a family that night, she got a boyfriend in prison, leaving her all alone.

Not that she's resentful.

Sometimes she thinks back to that fateful night, when she and Derek had almost slept together.

In the late hours of night, when she's lying in her bed that's too big for just one person, she wonders what could have happened if they actually had. How things could have changed.

No matter how she plays it, she can never tell if things are better.

When she thinks about it realistically, things wouldn't have gone well. But when she simply thinks of what she wants, things are beautiful, and she stays in that fantasy for as long as the blissful moment lasts.

It never lasts long enough.

It's not so much that she's got Derek in that dream, at least she doesn't think so, it's just that in that moment, she's happy.

And that's what she wants, to be happy.

Doesn't she deserve happiness?

"Hello Karen! How lovely to see you here." A voice interrupts her internal conversation with herself.

It's Eileen, smiling as she makes her way to Karen's table, with Lyle West right behind her.

"Oh, hey Eileen. What are you doing here?"

"Lyle and I were stopping here for coffee before seeing your show."

"That's great, I hope you enjoy it." Karen says with a smile.

The barista calls Eileen, she excuses herself.

"So Lyle," Karen says, her chin resting on clasped hands as her elbows rest on the glass table. "I missed you at rehearsal today."

He shrugs with a grin.

"They said they didn't need me, so I took the free time to get some work done."

"You mean musicals aren't your day job?" Karen fake gasps, Lyle laughs and shrugs again.

"What can I say? I'm not talented enough to keep a singular career."

"I highly doubt that." Karen says with a wink.

At Lyle's slow smile, she wonders if it seems like she's flirting.

Maybe he likes it.

Maybe it's nothing.

Either way, she doesn't care.

She's lonely, and his smile is warm and sweet and all for her.

She's going to enjoy it.

Eileen walks back, two coffees in hand, Lyle takes his with a soft thanks and another slow smile.

Karen wonders if he just smiles like that for everyone.

She hopes not.

"Oh, you two missed some big news today." She says, they both lean closer.

"And what's that?" Eileen asks.

"Ivy's pregnant!"

"What?!" Lyle asks, in shock. Then, he smiles.

This time, it's big and brilliant, happiness an exquisite color dancing across his pearly whites, he laughs in excitement.

"That's amazing! It's Derek's?"

"Of course." Karen says, grinning at his reaction.

Lyle's knees bounce, childlike glee jumping in his eyes as he turns to Eileen.

Her reaction is less joyful than his.

"Hmm..." Is all she says.

"What?" Karen asks.

"Well...of course I'm happy for the both of them, but this does complicate things."

"How so?" Lyle asks, worry starting to sober his exuberance.

Karen wonders the same thing as well, though it's not exactly with worry.

"It's just, pregnancies can be difficult, especially for women still working. This could cause some problems in moving our musical forward, we don't want to overexert Ivy. Plus, after she has the baby, she might not want to come back for quite some time. The media will have a field day with this."

"Would you wait for her, or will you hire a new actress?" Karen asks, shoving a bubble of a denied emotion down.

Eileen shakes her head.

"I don't know, it's too soon to tell. Obviously I need to talk with her and Derek first, but... I don't know. This needs time. Thank you for telling me, Karen."

Eileen stands up, Lyle following suit.

Karen takes a final sip of her tea.

"No problem."


	9. Full Disclosure

_Hi everybody! I'm so so sorry it's taken me so long to update! It's not from a disappearing muse, I promise you that, it's just college. So without further ado, here is my next chapter._

_Enjoy._

* * *

"We should have just done Gatsby." Julia mutters. Tom's apartment looks like a hurricane of papers and sheet music, and the eternally abused cork board on the wall is a mess of sticky notes and tacks.

"Like that plot line would be easier." Tom says from the couch, his eyes closed with a wet cloth on them to block out the daylight.

"We should change Karen's character name. Julia and Leah doesn't sound right together. And the name! Eileen wants a name for the musical and I've got nothing." Julia's hands hit a hanging picture as she throws them up in frustration.

"Just have the musical's name be Julia and Leah. That would work."

"I just said I don't like that name." She groans.

"Then find a new one."

"Like it's that easy."

"Kate. Kate and Leah. I like the sound of that."

Julia stops, mouthing the words as she mulls it over.

"Kate? Where'd you get Kate?"

Tom shrugs.

"I just like it."

"Well I'll think it over. It's better than what I've got."

Tom's phone buzzes. He stands, tossing the cloth to the ground as he checks it.

"Ugh."

"What is it?" Julia asks, moving a pink note, stabbing it with a blue tack.

"Another _I'm sorry_ text from Ivy. She's sent me three of them in the past two days."

"Are you going to forgive her anytime soon?"

"No."

Julia sighs, straightening the lines on board.

"Come on, she didn't withhold secrets from you on purpose, she didn't tell anyone."

"She told _Sam_."

"That wasn't her fault."

Tom flops back onto the couch face first, moving his head from the throw pillows only after suffocating for a good couple of minutes.

"I think this is for the best."

"You being upset with her for eternity?"

"We can't be friends when I'm in charge. It just doesn't work. Every time I think otherwise, things like this just prove that point."

"Well being mad at her isn't helping either."

He shoves his head back into pillow.

"Can't I just stay righteously indignant?"

"No."

Julia doesn't need to hide her grin at his muffled groan.

* * *

"No, that was wrong. Do it again." Derek sighs. Karen huffs.

"Well just how high do you need me to kick? Inches, feet, just give me a number, I'm tired of kicking."

"You're supposed to be aligned with Ivy. You are dancing right next to her."

"I'm dancing next to other people too, and her legs are super short."

"Then compensate."

"Why don't you tell her to kick differently too?"

"I'm right here you know, and I can definitely hear you." Ivy says, her arms crossing, an impeccable eyebrow raised.

"I can kick higher if I have to."

"You're fine." Derek says firmly, giving a cursory glance at the rest of the dancers. "We just need to fix a couple things."

"Derek, can I speak to you for a minute?" Karen asks through gritted teeth.

He follows her to the piano, Ivy walks over to the director's table.

"Why are you being so hard on me?" Karen asks as soon as the ensemble can't completely hear the two.

"I'm not."

"You are, you're being really mean to everyone except Ivy. Is this because she's pregnant?"

"No, it's because you can't get the number right."

"It's not my fault."

He sighs as he walks back to the middle of the room.

"All right everyone, take it from the top, but this time, lower kick line. Exactly _three inches_ lower."

Karen sticks her tongue out at his jibe. Ivy walks back to her mark, Derek's frown softens slightly as she passes by.

Karen notices.

Her frown deepens.

* * *

"Are you still mad at me?" Ivy asks, arms still crossed as she stands in front of Tom. He shrugs.

"Have any new secrets?" She rolls her eyes, her arms fall in exasperation.

"No. And I've said I was sorry a million times. Can't we move past this? I've already designated you as the godfather."

"Me?"

"Of course. Who else would it be?" Ivy's smile is sincere and warm, it melts his resolve.

"So, are we ok?"

"Yeah, I guess so." He says, giving her a grin and a hug.

"Congratulations, Ivy. I really am happy for you." His smile turns playful.

"Can I name the kid?"

"I'll think about it." She teases with a wink.

"We still need to talk about how this affects the show." Tom says. "And Eileen needs to be involved too."

Ivy sighs, worry wrinkling her brow.

"I know... Tom, do you think I can do it? Be a star _and_ a mom?"

"I guess we'll see." He says after a pause.

"No really, I want your personal opinion. Do you think I can do it?"

Tom's smiles, winking at her as he bumps his shoulder to hers.

"Ivy, there's nothing you can't do."

"Thanks Tom."

"Of course. Now, get back to work."

"You got it, Mr. Director man."

* * *

"So Lyle," Karen says, sitting next to him after Tom calls for five. She's done for the day, but she waited for a little while to talk to him. "What did you think of Hit List?"

"Well the music was great, and you were amazing of course-"

"I feel like there's a 'but' coming in there soon." Karen says with a playful smile, but a hint of worry wiggles its way into her tone. Lyle shrugs with an easy and reassuring smile.

"No buts, it was a great musical. I really enjoyed it."

"Thanks."

There's a lull, Karen looks at her shoes.

"What do you think of this show?" She asks, staring at Ivy as the blonde learns the steps to the next dance number.

"It's still a work in a progress, why do you ask?"

"I was just curious."

"I think it should be good."

Karen gives a slight eye roll, bumping a teasing shoulder into his.

"I think _you_ are too _opinionated_. Please, tell me some more adjectives."

He laughs, shrugging again.

"I don't know what to tell you Karen. It's just too soon to tell."

"Hey Lyle, it's you and Ivy's number." Tom calls, beckoning him with a flick of the wrist.

"Well, that's me." Lyle says, tapping his seat before standing.

"See you out there." He says, Karen nods.

"Yeah, see you."

* * *

"Leah, you can do it." Lyle says as his character, kissing the inside of Ivy's wrist.

She jerks it free, slightly turning away, hair shielding her features from view.

"It's too much, Nick. Everything's spiraling out of control, I can't handle this. All of this work, and for what?"

"It just takes time." Brown eyes plead with blue.

"Just how much time? A year? Ten? How long should I continue to delude myself that I can make it?"

"You _can_ make it. Leah, you're almost there."

"Almost isn't enough."

"_You_ are enough, you're a star."

"I'm not."

"You will be."

Reverent hands cup flushed cheeks, thumbs ghosting over dewy lashes. Lyle's eyes are dark with emotion, Ivy shakes her head in watery denial.

"How can you believe that?"

"Because I can believe in you."

He leans forward, his lips hovering just centimeters over Ivy's.

Their breath mixes together, hot and heavy, eyes are locked in entranced want, Lyle smiles, soft and slow.

He leans even closer, and-

* * *

"And scene. All right, that's it for today, great job everybody! See you tomorrow." Tom says, clapping his hands once.

"You did a wonderful job today, Ivy." Lyle says, hugging her.

"Aw, thanks Lyle. Same to you, your dance with Karen was fantastic. You two looked like you really connected." He laughs, a hand rubbing the back of his neck.

"I guess so."

Ivy's phone rings. It's her mom.

"Sorry Lyle, I have to take this. See you tomorrow." She gives him a little wave before accepting the call.

"Hey mom, is everything ok?"

"Everything's fine, your father was just wondering if you were visiting today."

"Sorry, I'm getting a late lunch with Derek before the show."

Ivy walks over to where Derek's sitting, grabbing his hand to help him stand. He leaves his notes on the table. She can't help but notice that his pencil lies broken by his papers. The pencil had been fine before her scene with Lyle.

She hides a smile.

Her scary, big Broadway choreographer and director of a boyfriend gets jealous, just like her.

It shouldn't comfort her, and she won't admit it to anyone but herself, but it does.

They may need to work on some problems later, but right now she's just glad he cares.

"Be careful Ivy, pick something light and healthy. It's not good to have fatty foods before a show." Leigh's voice warns, pulling her from her musings.

Ivy rolls her eyes as she tugs Derek along behind her, he's too busy checking his phone to mind.

"Mom, it's fine. Besides, I'm eating for two, so I kind of deserve to have almost whatever I want."

"What?!"

Ivy freezes, stopping right in the middle of the sidewalk; Derek bumps into her.

"Whoops."

"You're pregnant?!" Leigh's voice would sound screechy if she wasn't whispering.

"Umm...surprise?"

Ivy starts walking again, frowning apologetically to Derek as she straightens his jacket with her free hand.

"When were you going to tell me?"

"Soon. I was going to tell you soon. Like, tomorrow, when I visited you and dad. He's a lot smoother than I am with this kind of thing-"

"You told your father _before_ me?!" Leigh's voice rises, Ivy winces.

"I'm sorry mom, it just happened on accident. Look, I gotta go, I'll talk to you more when I visit tomorrow. Love you, bye."

"Now wait just a minute-"

"Bye."

She heaves a giant sigh as she turns off her phone, Derek reads her overwhelmed panic in a single glance.

"Want to just eat in and laugh about some of the really terrible new musicals that have already flopped?" He asks.

Ivy's smile is varying shades of gratitude and affection. She squeezes his hand in thanks.

"I do. I really, really do."

* * *

"Bye."

Leigh's mouth is still gaping when Ivy hangs up on her.

The hospital hall is rather crowded, so she shuts it quickly with a snap.

Ivy's pregnant.

Her little baby girl, so young and just now tasting the spotlight, her baby girl is having her own little baby.

The thing that baffles Leigh the most is how completely blind-sided she was by this.

Ivy didn't tell her.

An extremely important and life changing event, and Ivy didn't tell her.

The thought is saddening.

Ivy used to tell her everything, Leigh can still remember every time Ivy's called her, excited about an audition. Always excited for the new ensemble she was in, because it was still Broadway, and ready to tell her mom.

Every time.

Now, she tells Henry things first.

Henry.

He knew this information and didn't deem it important to tell Leigh.

Oh, that man is in _big_ trouble.

* * *

"Henry. Brian. Davis." Leigh says, gliding through the door in all of her elegant rage.

He smiles, completely oblivious to her irritation.

"Doesn't my wife look gorgeous today?" He asks the young nurse taking his pulse. She takes in Leigh's perfect curls and high-heeled form.

"Indeed she does."

Leigh's frown softens. She really does love compliments, and Henry often exploits her weakness. Although he does exploit it quite sincerely.

"Your flattery won't save you this time mister." She says, though she waits until the nurse leaves to elaborate.

"You knew Ivy was pregnant and you didn't tell me?" Henry sighs.

"No, I didn't tell you. I didn't think it was my place."

"Well thank you for withholding this from me, husband." Her arms cross as she leans more on her left side, it's her signature 'I'm upset' pose.

"Here, have a seat." He says, patting the space next to him. Leigh doesn't budge.

"Darling." He urges, she walks to his side with a huff, but she doesn't sit down.

He pulls her hand from its tight position and kisses her closed fist, patting it once before covering her hands with his.

"I wanted Ivy to be the one to tell you, my sweet. Not me. I felt I'd be breaching the code of fatherhood."

"There's not a code of fatherhood." She says, still slightly annoyed.

"There are several if you look it up on google." She laughs at his wink. Oh, that man. She can never stay mad at him, even when she wants to.

"Well, she did tell me. But only by accident." Leigh mutters, her shoulders slowly starting to relax.

"Accident?"

"She let it slip that she was eating for two, but I don't think she would have told me if it hadn't slipped."

"I think she would have told you, dearheart. She loves you. She just needs to do things in her own time."

Leigh sighs, sitting down in the chair next to Henry. She restrains a groan, the hospital really needs to invest in comfier chairs.

"How are you so calm? Our baby's making a family." Leigh asks.

"Well, sweetie, Ivy's _our_ baby, but not a baby. So of course the situation will take some getting used to, but I think overall it's a pretty great situation to _be_ getting used to."

"You're right." She says, kissing his hand lightly before twining their fingers together.

"You're always right."

"You're always beautiful. And equally right." He says in response. She smiles.

"Sap."

"You like it."

"I do."

"So, would you mind reading to this sap?" She smiles at that, reading together is one of their favorite activities.

"I'd love to, which book?"

"Anything but Moby Dick. I read that once in college, and once was enough." Henry jokes. Leigh grabs her iPad from her purse, reading glasses perched on her nose. He stares at the endearing sight as she peruses through their shared e-books.

"Ok, found one. '_Call me Ishmael_-'"

"_Leigh_."

"Yes?" Her grin is teasingly innocent.

"You stunning vixen." Her chuckle warms his heart, she is eternally Henry's ray of sunshine.

"Fine." She sits next to him on the bed, curling into him as she opens a new e-book.

They settle together in comfortable familiarity, Leigh clears her throat and then begins.

"_'I told you last night that I might be gone sometime, and you said, Where, and I said, To be with the Good Lord, and you said, Why, and I said, Because I'm old, and you said, I don't think you're old...'_"


	10. Any Moment

_Hello everybody! I am so, so sorry it's taken me so incredibly long to update this story. But hey, I survived my first year of college! Anyway, I apologize for the long wait, and hopefully you won't have to wait as long for the next update! Forewarning, this will probably seem out of character, as I'm a bit rusty with these characters. :3 I'll be better next time! Huge shoutout to the one I started this story for, as she inspired most of this chapter. Reviews are always welcome._

_Enjoy._

* * *

"_Sorry mom, can't visit today. Rehearsal is going late so I won't have time_."

Leigh sighs as she turns off her phone. The dull click is unsatisfying.

"She's avoiding me," she says. Henry hums sympathetically.

"I'm sure she just doesn't know what to say."

"I'd appreciate an apology," she mutters. "You deserve one too. We may have our issues, but she shouldn't take it out on you."

"It'll be ok, sweetie." She leans down to kiss him, grinning as she straightens and starts to push his wheelchair down the hall.

"You're just lucky you're sickly, otherwise you might have not been forgiven as quickly as you were."

"The only thing I'm sick of is the hospital food... And possibly the beds."

Her teasing smirk softens.

"Good thing you're being released today."

"Indeed. Let's go home."

* * *

"It'll be ok," Derek murmurs against the creamy ivory of Ivy's neck.

"It's like you haven't even met my mother," Ivy groans. "I can practically see her disapproving moue through the phone."

His chest rumbles against her back as he chuckles, arms wrapping around her slightly protruding stomach, fingers tapping a soothing rhythm that both comforts and tickles.

"It'll be fine. You'll talk to her later, play the pregnancy card, and she'll be too busy cooing over our future baby to remember this tiny little blip that's already in the past."

"Again, it's like you haven't met my mother," Ivy snorts. He simply kisses her neck again.

The rehearsal's hallway echoes approaching feet, Derek pays no mind, intent on distracting Ivy from her stress, or at least get her to blush.

"I swear, you two are like hormonal teenagers," Tom grumbles as he passes them, evidence of a coffee run in his heavy-loaded arms. "Always the PDA with you."

Ivy dances from Derek's arms to unload a few of his burdens.

"It's my kind of comfort," she says with a wink, pulling the door open for them. The room's appreciation for the caffeine comes in hums and chatter and grabbing hands.

"What do you need comfort for anyway?" Tom asks, all busy hands as he disperses the proper coffees to the proper people.

"I accidentally told my mom about the baby over the phone, made it worse by letting it slip I told dad before her, then promptly hung up at the first hint of a screech."

Hands still.

He turns to her rueful cringe, tries to be understanding, to be calm.

All he can muster is incredulity.

"What? You didn't. You did? That's bad, Ivy. That's really bad." He walks away from her to lean against the director's table, arms crossing in deep thought.

She plops gracefully next to him, knowingly waiting to hear the plan sure to come.

"Well, we've got to do something," he muses, his long pianist fingers tapping calculations against his upper lip. "It can't simply be a grand gesture, she holds grudges longer than I do," he gives Ivy a significant look, she grins sheepishly. "It'll have to be one elaborate plan... Because otherwise, of course, there's going to be hell to pay."

He stands, break's over, and dancers are called to center.

"Oh," Tom says as Ivy walks to position. "Let's go over the plan before you leave for your dinner with her."

"Ah, yes," the rueful cringe is back. "I had to cancel that. Not enough time today, but I'll talk to her soon."

The incredulity is back as well.

"Ivy! Did you at least set up another day?"

"I texted an apology for canceling?"

Eyes roll and hands are thrown heavenwards in exasperation.

"My god, Ivy. What a colossal catastrophe you've created."

The room titters.

Pink colors her cheeks like an embarrassed sunset.

* * *

Tom calls for five, she checks her phone.

"_Your father is home now, disappointed you're not coming to see him today. He's managed to eat a little, choked three times_."

Ivy rolls her eyes. Only Leigh Conroy could portray both concern for Henry and curt passive aggressiveness in twenty-three words.

Derek calls for her next number. She shakes her head, shrugs it off.

The show must go on.

* * *

Karen notices the raising eyebrows when Ivy misses her cue.

Ivy never misses her cue.

Karen holds her note for two beats too long before Ivy steps in. Her jaunty smile and sassy tune is flawless, as always, but there's now a kink in her normally steady flow.

If Karen was a smaller woman, there'd be no way to suppress her vindicated glee.

Even a Tony winner makes mistakes.

Maybe Derek will finally lay off singling out Karen's fumbles.

Ivy misses a step, slightly bumping into Jessica. Karen barely holds back a smile. In her defense, it had been in a comical scene.

"Concentrate, Ivy," Derek says. She nods, brow furrowing with thought, then smoothing because Karen's character Kate (formerly Julia) is the one who's supposed to be frustrated, and Leah's supposed to be calm.

Derek's brow furrows too, but his stays. He corrects her blocking, then Karen's, then changes everything.

His frown only deepens.

It's only when Ivy flubs a line that Tom finally calls for a break.

The normally brilliant blonde slumps in her chair, two seats away from Karen, but the distance does nothing to hide her exhaustion.

"Ivy, darling, are you ok?" Derek asks in hushed tones, a hand on her shaking thigh as he sits next to her.

Karen pretends there's something absolutely enthralling on her phone, though she's positive her eavesdropping, as well as the eavesdropping of several hovering dancers, is recognized and simply ignored.

"I'm fine."

Ivy may be a good actress, but the reply is feeble at best.

"_Ivy_."

"Ok, I'm a little stressed. But just a little." She pinches her index and thumb together in demonstration, Derek grabs them, kisses the trembling fingers, holds tightly as he leans forward, inspecting the soft knuckles and deep green nail polish.

"You would tell me, wouldn't you? If it's not just stress?"

His words are much quieter, softer, worry laced in between every vowel and consonant.

There's actually maybe even a hint of something else too, Karen would call it vulnerability if she didn't know better, and suddenly she regrets listening in. Based on the shuffling of dance shoes, she's not the only one.

Maybe Derek's stopped noticing or truly doesn't care, because his eyes are only for Ivy, only focused on trying to decipher what's going on in those baby blues.

Cherry lips open, hesitate, Karen waits for the reply that doesn't belong to her with baited breath—

"All right, everybody," Tom says. "One more scene before we're done."

Many sighs of relief, except one.

Derek's sigh is something else entirely.

* * *

She hates getting the mail. It's a weird and mundane thing to hate, but she does nevertheless. When it's not the rare and cherished letter from Jimmy, it's bills.

Usually it's just bills.

She should really make Ana get the mail, but she really hasn't seen her, truly seen her, in a while.

They're both busy.

It's a weak excuse, but it's truth.

Karen quickly flips through the envelopes.

Bill. Spam. Coupon—she's keeping that one, Asiago bagels are her weakness. Spam. Spam. Bill—not a bill.

A letter, from Jimmy.

He's keeping busy, writing music when he's allowed, missing her.

Loving her.

"_No matter what I'm doing or where I am, my heart is never far from yours_."

Karen's chest aches, a hollow loneliness seeps through her body like a bad cold.

She's trying hard to not get used to his absence, doesn't want to get used to it, but the result hurts and leaves her empty.

She shoves the mail back into the silver box, leaving it for Ana or at least till tomorrow.

She's going to drink tonight, and damn it all, she's going to drink a lot.

* * *

Karen's glad she decided to drink at a restaurant's bar. In a real bar she'd be hit on and she's just not in the mood.

Plus, she can never resist their fries.

She's halfway through her second martini—she doesn't know why she ordered this, it's disgusting and nowhere near as addicting or tasteful as Eileen makes it look—when she's greeted by an unexpected vision in black and tawny curls.

"Leigh—I mean Ms. Conroy—what are you doing here?"

"Hello Karen, nice to see you."

"Wonderful to see you too, of course." She's flustered as the actress sits next to her. She's not exactly prepared to attempt conversation with this legend turned human turned Ivy's mom.

She doesn't have anything to say anyway, except incoherent gibberish.

"I'm waiting for Ivy and Derek," Leigh says. "But they seem to be running a bit late."

She signals the bartender with a friendly wink and orders a gin and tonic.

It's stronger than Karen would expect of Leigh but she doesn't bat an eyelash.

Can't embarrass herself in front of _the_ Leigh Conroy, even as her mind processes that Ivy and Derek will soon be here and things will soon be less than peachy.

She has a second to think it, then they're here.

They walk through the glass and wood doors, tall and glamorous and armed with a shield of lifted chins and thick, theatre skin.

The moment smells of trouble.

Oh well, Karen hadn't really been enjoying her pathetic attempts to get plastered anyway.

At least this promises entertainment.

"Hello Ivy."

It's fake and sweet and colder than the greeting Karen got. She holds back a shiver.

"Mom. Where's dad?"

Definitely chilly.

"At home. He was too tired to come, someone's sitting with him. I'm sure he would have loved a visit from his starlet daughter… but that's showbiz, I suppose."

"I'm sure you know the drill, mom. After all, in showbiz, you're an old pro."

Karen might just be the slightest tinge of tipsy, always has been such a lightweight, but the biting tone in such neutral sentences makes her want to cringe from the ensuing frost-fight.

"Speaking of showbiz, how is yours? Not too draining is it?" Leigh laughs lightheartedly, teeth blinding and glaring white. Ivy's reply is quick, spoken through a clenched and brilliant smile.

"Oh it's nothing I can't handle. After all, I'm still young, I can afford the energy."

"Meow," Karen mutters under her breath.

It's a mistake, because suddenly Ivy's icy glare is locked and loaded onto her unprepared form.

"What are you doing here?" Karen can't breathe, doesn't till the accusing gaze shifts back to the woman beside her.

"Why are you sitting next to Iowa?"

Karen would roll her eyes at the tired old name if she could. But she can't move. Deer in the headlights, paralyzed in the future of a crash. At least Derek seems as bewildered as she feels. Mouth slightly agape and eyes wary, he's powerless in this conversation, his jaw works to keep hidden, probably sarcastic, words in.

Now Leigh's turned to her, grinning conspiratorially at her nervous expression. Except she's nervous ramped up times ten.

"Isn't the paranoia adorable?"

It's rhetorical, Karen doesn't even have to stutter a comment because she's already forging on. She leans in and Karen automatically responds.

She smells like the spotlight and vanilla. And vaguely like gin and tonic.

"It's the hormones," Leigh stage whispers. "She's pregnant, you know."

"I know."

Another mistake.

"Oh... _another_ person you've told before me, Ivy. How flattering."

"I can't... I can't do this tonight. I'll see you and dad later, but I need to go."

Ivy turns, grabbing Derek's hand as she takes tight steps away from the bar.

Karen nearly sighs with relief before Leigh calls after her retreating daughter.

"Does later mean the next time your father's in the hospital? Because it seems that's the only way he can get your attention."

Yikes. Anger falls like a veil over Ivy's entire being. First, the lifted shoulders, then the slow turn on heel, a dark twist of pale lips, a hurricane forming in sky blue eyes.

"Don't you dare pretend this is about dad. It's about you. Always about you. When you found out I was pregnant, the first thing out of your mouth wasn't congratulations or even simply acknowledging that I'm carrying a _life_ inside me, but how I didn't tell _you_ immediately.

"And yes, I should have told you sooner, in fact you were the first person I wanted to talk to when I found out, but I knew I couldn't. Recognize that I said _couldn't_. Because I knew that when I did, it would be about you, how you responded to the news, if you told other people, _how_ you told other people, how you'd get to be Grandma Leigh, and I'd be shoved to the side like always because I'm just Ivy, just the _mother_. I needed this to be about me, and for a short, glorious time, it was. But then this happened and it was all about you. Again.

"God forbid I turn out like you, or my kid will be gone by the time they're 12."

With that she's gone, Derek too, leaving a shattered silence in her wake.

* * *

Karen's still frozen, not daring to move when Leigh is a statue beside her.

It's like watching a Michelangelo crack and crumble inside itself, though nothing changes at all.

It hurts.

"Miss Conroy—"

Leigh ignores her attempt at comfort, tips the rest of her forgotten drink back in the most broken elegance, slips away without a word.

It's not even Karen's world, but she's fragmenting.

She signals a waiter and orders a coffee.

She's barely had enough and yet too much alcohol for one night.

She doesn't need it anyway, she's already numb.

* * *

She's not crying and that worries him.

Dry-eyed and staring straight ahead, her hand is cold and limp in his.

She's still angry, he knows it, knows better than to address it, but there's hurt there too.

She's never been good at showing when she's hurting. Then again, neither has he.

"Ivy—"

"What was your mom like?" She asks abruptly. He's taken aback.

"I don't rightly know, she died when I was very young."

They're both silent as they walk up the stairs.

The second they're through the apartment door, she's on him.

He'd been expecting it.

Hot lips insistent against his, cold hands tugging clothes, bodies moving a familiar and exciting tango. He's certain she's going to have a nice bruise in the morning, the painting in the hallway fared better than her shoulder during their distracted hurry to the bedroom, but she's undeterred.

"Ivy."

She swallows his words, hands roaming and nails digging in just right—it's enough to make the most moral man falter.

But he knows the pattern, he knows her, and he wants to help.

This is just distraction.

"Ivy."

She wriggles against him, and _god_, she shouldn't be allowed to do such things with her tongue, but she's too urgent. As much as he'd like to continue, it would be a mistake.

"Ivy, darling, _stop_." Gentle words, bullets nonetheless.

He knows the hurt clouding her eyes isn't just from him alone, it's not much of a comfort.

He kisses her once more, in apology, in caring, in empathy.

More understanding in his muttered "sweetheart," than a long blown out speech that wasn't him and wasn't them could ever convey.

"I just want to be a good mom. I want to do better."

It's a whisper, a secret, and it's sad.

He wraps her up in his arms, let's her hide the vulnerability he knows she hates, and waits.

Slowly, silently, she shudders.

She doesn't break.

He almost wishes she would, because any moment could be the one to fracture her.

He would rather it be a moment when he can pick up the pieces.

* * *

It's early in the morning, too early, and Karen's cranky.

After coming home from the most unsuccessful and awkward attempt at getting drunk last night, several red wines had called her name and she hadn't resisted.

Now she wishes she had, because the ungodly sun is too bright and the streets are too loud and she really doesn't want to be conscious right now but when Eileen calls you in for a meeting you _go_ to the meeting, regardless of the short notice.

She's not going to fool anyone with her sunglasses, it's painfully obvious she's hungover, but it was her decision to get drunk so she'll handle it like an adult.

A groaning, irritated adult with a pounding head.

* * *

When she gets to Eileen's office, trepidation in her every footstep, she's surprised to see Tom and Julia, Derek too, glowering from his slouch on the hard wooden chair.

She smiles half-heartedly, and Eileen chuckles, immediately guessing her apprehension.

"Don't worry, Karen. You're not in trouble."

Her relief is palpable.

"I just wanted to ask you a few questions about Ivy."

Derek's scowl deepens.

Karen internally sighs.

More trouble.


End file.
